Am I Crazy?

Yes. But at least I know it and I'm not living in denial. Jimmy has been wanting a puppy or a dog and while the idea of it sounds romantic, do I really want to take on taking care of something else? One more thing to worry about?

One plus is that because of the Doodle, we don't get the luxury of traveling any more. We used to go camping and on short weekend trips...now we might go to the races or Lake Sonoma for the day and if we had a dog, it could go too.

The other plus is that I work from home. So the dog won't be stuck outside all day for 10 hours while we're at work.

The other plus is that I keep hearing how great dogs are for autistic children. Some dogs can even sense a seizure before it happens or alert you after a seizure has happened.

Does it sound like I'm talking myself into this? Uhm. Yes. I also like the "idea" and I use that term loosely, that Jimmy will learn to take care of something and learn some responsibility.

The problem is, Jimmy and Jim have two completely different ideas of their ideal dog. Jim wants a great big watch dog with a mean bark...and Jimmy wants a lap dog. Me? I could go either way.

Another problem? I'm sure Coco the cat isnt't going to like it too much. I can see I'm going to be getting some push back from her on this...

A big issue would be our yard. It's not dog friendly. Even though we live on 22 acres, it's not fenced for a dog. I imagine letting the dog go outside to run for the first time and it taking off and never looking back like in that scene in the movie Funny Farm with Chevy Chase and his dog.

So, crazy me, we've been to a few of the shelters because it would seem better to SAVE a dog but I keep stopping short...for one reason or another.

It would be nice to have an adult dog, already potty trained and mellow but when you get it from a shelter you have no idea about it's background. Maybe it bit someone or hates cats or kills sheep or is a runner...you just never know.

A puppy you can mold and train to fit in with your family. You know it's complete history although it's going to pee and poo everywhere and chew up your favorite shoes.

Such a dilemma.

I also worry that we will invest, and yes, I do mean invest in a dog and Jimmy will be tired of it after a few weeks. Then what? Then I get to listen to my husband tell me "I TOLD YOU SO".

So, I came up with a brilliant plan. To "foster" a puppy. We will be fostering a rescue puppy (because puppies are the hardest). Jimmy will have to take care of it and the Rescue Agency pays for all the food, crate, etc. WE just have to provide a warm, safe and loving place for the puppy to live until it's ready to be adopted. The Rescue Agency does all of the application process and adopts the dogs out...unless we fell in love with the puppy, then we would have first rights to adopt it.

So? Am I crazy? Meet Olive.

A New Reality Show

Well sure there's Nanny 911 where the proper British woman all buttoned up goes into the home of "normal" out of control children and improves the dynamics of the relationships and bad behavior...

There's also the Birkenstock wearing Dog Whisperer who takes unruly dogs and turns things around with their owners and everyone comes out happier, more patient and wiser.

I'd like to propose a new reality show where a Professional Autism Behaviorist comes into the home with a child on the autism spectrum and makes things all better. OK, maybe just a little better. It would be 911 meets Dog Whisperer meets Survivor. I'd like Jeff Probst to be the Host, except we wouldn't be on any tropical islands for this.

We could have specific challenges for the professional, things like cutting the child's hair, getting the child to drink something other than Very Vanilla Soy Milk, and potty train the child. My favorite challenge might be getting an insomniac autistic child who refuses to sleep to go to sleep--that would really interest me. Or maybe teaching a completely nonverbal child how to talk or play with toys; things parents with normal children take completely for granted. I'd love to see more on how to discipline an autistic child who hits you in the face with a very skilled one--two punch combination and then rips your glasses off or throws everything he can onto the floor.

It might be an interesting show to watch for parents of autistic children but also for parents of normal children because it would give them something to be grateful for. By the end of the show, the parents of the normal children would be in tears feeling so blessed to not have the challenges that parents of autistic children are faced with. And the parents of autistic children watching might not feel so isolated and alone. Because, let's face it, parenting is hard enough without the autism.

I would gladly volunteer to be the Pilot show, the Doodle's epilepsy and antiseizure medication would just be a bonus for the viewers. They'd have their work cut out that's for sure.

I know this probably sounds more like a fantasy show but what the hey...
Have your agent call my agent and we'll do lunch.

Chomping at the Bit

And I mean that in a very literal sense. Having a child with autism is like waking up on Christmas morning...every day you get a new surprise; but sometimes those surprises come in the form of quirks and compulsive behavior and illness and heartbreak. It's rare, or at least has been in my case, that you get pleasantly surprised with a huge gift of a break through. I guess that's why the little breakthroughs means so much.

So the Doodle has a new OCD quirk. He walks around the house chomping his teeth together over an over. Biting and chomping. Chomping and biting. We've already been dealing with the teeth grinding. Oh the dental bills I can see in my future.

A Ghost in the Machine

All you have to do is take a good look. Do you see him? Can you look in those hazel eyes and see that there is a little boy in there wanting to break free? He's in there and he wants so badly to communicate with us and get out. I can look into his eyes and see hope sometimes, he has his moments and I have mine. He thinks differently and processes information differently than we do. And, his brain might be doing things I cannot begin to understand with all of the electromagnetic chaos going on and seizure activity, but I know he's there. Can you see him?

Where Can I Get One of These?

At first I was thinking I'm in need of one for myself, but then I started wondering if they might make them in, say, a 4T.

Not sure what is up with the Doodle but every night, around the witching hour, he turns into a full blown maniac. He refuses to settle down and go to sleep. He goes to sleep with no problem and it doesn't matter what time he goes to sleep at first: eight, nine, ten o'clock. He sleeps soundly for about an hour. We'll call that, his "cat nap" then he startles himself awake, has some questionable seizure activity, wakes up thinking it morning time. It's impossible to get him back down. He wants to watch cartoons and get out of bed and won't take no for an answer. He's been going crazy and getting violent and it's time like these when I really question my sanity and ability to be a good parent.

He's kicking and screaming and hitting and thrashing his 40 pounds around the bed with all his might. He's so mad, he stares at me right in the eyes and screams as loud as he possibly can. He cries and cries and nothing will calm him. Pretty soon his heart rate is up and then Jim worries he's going to get so upset he has a seizure.

After fighting him and physically restraining him for over 3 agonizing hours last night, he finally gave up and went to sleep. Now you know where he and I get our matching dark circles under our eyes.

Warning Labels

Children should come with warning labels, and I guess they do. Growing up, you see all kinds of children out in public and you even get to meet some if you're lucky and paying attention.

Then, like most, you plan and fantasize about having a perfectly normal happy and healthy family. As a little girl it was my job to aspire to marry Prince Charming and have a litter of beautiful well behaved children.

But to have a child, an Autistic Child, well, you don't really imagine it happening to YOU. What are the odds, right? I never paid much attention to the statistic 1 in 90 boys is born with autism when I was pregnant. I was too worried about having a child with Down Syndrome or having a healthy child. I had all the tests.I wanted to know in advance, I guess so that I would know what to expect. Sadly, there's no prenatal or genetic test to do in advance to tell if you are going to have an autistic child or a child that will develop epilepsy.

You just never know.

This sign says it all for trying to parent an autistic child; for me anyway.

OCD

The Doodle's favorite part about a birthday isn't the presents or the people, it's the cake. And not even to eat it.

Our little Pyro is fascinated with fire. He loves the candles and even though he can't blow out the candles, he likes to have the song sung to him and then he closes his eyes and (we) blow out the candles for him and then everyone claps their hands and then he claps feeling all special like he blew the candles out. If it were up to him we would do this all day.

It's cute the first 96 times...and then I want the cake to go away. But I feel bad because he seems to like it so much and I hate taking away the few things he loves but he goes crazy on them to the point of him not enjoying it anymore but freaking out on it. And that's a fine line between happy and crazy OCD.

It's quite a process and I never realized it before but that song is kind of long. So, all day we had to sing Happy Birthday and blow out the candles. I finally hid the cake from him, but he later found it and you know what that means...either you light the freaking candles and sing some more or we have a huge freak out melt down.

No more birthdays for a while please.

The Next Best Thing To Robert Redfort Pie

My diet isn't going so good.

I can blame it on my birthday but I blame Robert Reford. Let me give you a little run down...

Rum Cake, Red Licorice, Tacos, Chocolate Chip Cookies, Moose Munch, M&Ms, French Breakfast Puffs, Cinnamon Dolce Latte, Carmel Machiato, Taquitos, Pasta, Garlic Bread, The Next Best Thing to Robert Redford dessert, Bostom Clam Chowder, sour dough bread, Mocha, Lasagna, french bread, Caesar salad, cherry pie.

Most people might need some Tums after a weekend like this. Not me, yet, I can't figure out why I'm gaining weight?

With the scrapoganza weekend full of food and eating and tonight being my official birthday dinner where my mom makes me anything I want (I chose Lasagna), eating has taken a front seat to getting through the day.

Tomorrow will be a new day and I will start over. Maybe join Weight Watchers again and hit the gym. It sure is easy to lay here in bed with a bowl of popcorn on my chest talking about "tomorrow I will..."

Hmph.

But for those of you who would like the recipe to this fabulous pie-like dessert here it is:

THE NEXT BEST THING TO ROBERT REDFORD
Original Recipe Yield 1 -9x13 inch pie

Ingredients
1 cup all-purpose flour
2/3 cup butter
1 cup chopped walnuts
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese
1 cup white sugar
2 (8 ounce) containers frozen whipped topping, thawed
1 (5.9 ounce) package instant chocolate pudding mix
1 (5.1 ounce) package instant vanilla pudding mix
3 cups milk
1/8 cup grated semisweet chocolate

Directions:
Combine flour, butter, and chopped nuts. Press into the bottom of a 9 x 13 x 2 inch pan. Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 25 minutes, or until golden brown. Combine cream cheese, sugar, and 1 container of whipped topping until well mixed. Spread evenly over the cooled crust. Mix pudding mixes and milk well until thick. Spread evenly over the cream cheese filling. Spread remaining container of whipped topping over the pudding layer. Sprinkle grated chocolate over the top. Refrigerate for 6 to 8 hours before serving.

My Weekend Cropoganza

Happy birthday to me!

This weekend I went to a marathon scrapbooking event at the church in Windsor with my cousin, aunt and friend. We scrapbooked our brains out for two days straight! Hate to brag, but I did get 34 pages done...and am almost caught up. I have albums for each of the boys, so everything takes me twice as long since I have two kids. It doesn't help that Jimmy counts each page to make sure that they're even.

The scrapathon is a fundraiser, so besides getting out of the house--kid free, the registration goes to a good cause and there's nothing better than scrapbooking until midnight in the House of the Lord.

We had rum cake last night and the Next Best Thing to Robert Redford tonight. I'm sure with the pasta dinner and snacks and tacos I must have put on a few pounds. I even got balloons and to wear a birthday sash.

This morning I woke up to my favorite French Breakfast Puff Muffins that Jimmy and my mom made. Thanks Mom and Jimmy. On my way to scrap I stopped and got a giant Starbucks with the gift card my dad and Kathy sent. Thanks Dad and Kathy.

It was quite an eventful weekend so far and as much as I missed the kids and worried about the Doodle, it was nice to get a way and relax with the girls. Even better, was how Jim and Jimmy helped me unload all my stuff and pack it back up and bring it home.

Kids Say the Darndest Things

We're getting ready to go on an overnight school field trip to one of the Historic Missions. We get to stay the night and reinact the lives the settlers. No electricity, staying up in shifts for night watch and really roughing it.

Jimmy brought home the list of items we are allowed to bring. No, I can't bring my laptop...He was getting some things together and asked me with that little metal mouth why he has to bring the articles daddy reads in the bathroom. I was a little confused and had no idea what he was talking about. I said, "Are you sure about that?" And he said, "Yes, look at my list. It says right here, toilet articles".

Budumpump.

Taking Health for Granted

Our poor little Doodle with the bad behavior.

He's been sick. Again. With what I thought was just a minor cold. He's had the usual runny nose and cough but last night when it was time for bed, he couldn't calm down. The last couple of nights we have fought with him to settle down and go to sleep. He thrashes around the bed, moaning and humming and crying and refusing to go to sleep.

Last night, after he finally wore himself out and went to sleep, he was agitated and breathing hard. His breathing never subsided even after he went to sleep and was fully relaxed. He was huffing and puffing and panting like an out of breath dog would do. He was grinding his teeth and clinching his eyes shut. Every once in a while he'd hold his breath and stop breathing. I was freaking out and just watching him.

He couldn't breathe through his nose but yet couldn't figure out how to breathe through his mouth either so he would stop breathing but still be asleep. Then he would wake himself up in a fit of coughing and choking.

After 20 minutes of his breathing never relaxing or calming back down to normal and my sitting there watching him, wondering if he was having an asthma attack or worse, I decided to take him to the emergency room. It was around 11:30 pm.

He woke up fine and was doing a little better at the hospital. His breathing was somewhat back to normal. We waited and waited to be seen at the oh-so-fun emergency room and after over an hour and a half of him screaming, I finally decided to leave. We were never seen by the Doctor. He was getting so upset, I thought he might have a seizure and the constant crying was making his runny nose a stuffy disgusting mess. At this point, I was just making it worse for him.

Bad Mom.

We got home around 1:00 am and miraculously he went to sleep pretty quickly. He went to sleep, I did not. I kept having visions of him not breathing and dying, so I slept with one eye open and never really went to sleep. I was watching his chest move up and down and trying to listen for his breaths.

All day I have been exhausted.

I took him to his Pediatrician this morning because all night I thought he might have pneumonia, asthma or maybe the Swine Flu. Luckily he didn't. He just has a virus. Obviously he has a very weak immune system and I wish I could figure out why.

As I lay there watching him sleep last night, all kinds of things were racing around my head. I was trying to figure out what percentage of this little guy's life has been spent being sick, being poked and prodded in the hospital, getting xrays and eegs and mri's, and how much of his life he has had just feeling sick--whether it be from seizures or the medication or both. My guess would be at least 75% of his life has been uncomfortable for him. I never thought before about taking good health for granted, it makes me realize it's not a given.

Kaboom

The lightening and thunder storms here were pretty incredible today. Northern California is looking at several more days of rain and possibly flooding. The storm broke long enough this afternoon for our IEP meeting. It was over an hour of discussing whether the Doodle needs a nurse one on one or a Shape Assistant one on one.

First I let the Principal and the School Nurse talk. The school nurse has some very strong opinions that the Doodle is out of the woods and no longer needs a nurse. If Only. That's when I busted out my UCSF letter from Dr. Sullivan who thinks otherwise. I passed out copies of the letter.

After reading my letter which I brought from our Doctor advising that a nurse IS recommended throughout this school year (and beyond) due to his precarious state of seizure activity and the severity of his epilepsy, nothing was changed today. The original IEP from August 21st stated we should have the nurse through June 2 and so it shall be.

It really bothers me that it took an hour and half with me and six other people to figure this out again. It was a complete waste of my time and the time of all five other Sonoma County Office of Education employees and our Nurse Lulu's time.

They were so dead set on this meeting that I thought for sure they had another agenda, like to maybe move the Doodle out of the medically fragile class and into another day class or even give him back to the other District that he actually belongs in due to his bad behavior. Nope. Although, we did discuss his bad behavior. They called it "protesting". I never thought it of it like that before. He is a Protester.

It didn't get ugly even though I made my point. My point being, it was written in the original IEP to have the Nurse until June 2 and that his seizure activity has changed so many times over the last year that I agreed with our UCSF Doctor that it was too soon to take her away. We're still taking it day by day.

So. There was really no point to this formal IEP process.

Except....Since the Doodle is currently only getting 6 of his entitled 15 hours of Shape Services (Autism Services), I did ask for two more days of services at home on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Baby It's Cold Outside...and so Rainy

And, we have a cold. The Doodle is sick again. Every other week he's sick. I'm not sure what is going on with that little guy's immune system. No fever this time. Just your every day runny nose cold and cough.

The cold hasn't seemed to keep him down. He's got enough energy to throw his macaroni and cheese on the floor.

He doesn't really go anywhere except for preschool and none of us are sick so where he keeps getting infected with these virus's is a mystery.

Tomorrow's our big IEP meeting that the district called to try to justify getting rid of our nurse Lulu or maybe take the Doodle out of the medically fragile class because of his bad behavior. I'm not really sure what they are going to say; I feel a little bit blindsided. What I do know is that I have a letter from the Doodle's doctor at UCSF that recommends keeping the nurse since we have not completely controlled all of the Doodle's seizure activity and it's only been four months with the improvement in the head drops.

My hand written and signed by all IEP clearly states that we should have the nurse through this school year which is why I think this IEP is going to be about re-placing him somewhere else. Technically we are in a different school district, but because they couldn't accommodate a medically fragile child, they transferred us to a different school district that could.

I'll keep you posted with the results from tomorrow's meeting.

A Lazy Sunday Afternoon

With the day completely to ourselves, Jim and I took a nice leisurely drive out to the coast by way of the cute town of Occidental. We stopped at a local deli and got some lunch and drove out to Bodega Bay on Coleman Valley Road--an absolutely beautiful drive; even on a dreary and grey rainy day. Jim found some hills to climb in his little Wrangler. He's like a big kid wanting to play in the mud, so we went four wheeling and covered the Jeep in mud. We happened upon a heard of cows who looked rather amused at my impulse to get out and take their picture. I popped my new Tim McGraw cd in the dash and we drove and talked like two old women in a sewing circle or rather like two kids in love.

We stopped at the Saint Teresa DeAvila's Church in the tiny town of Bodega--where some of Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds was filmed. My uncle bought us a book that tells of all the Alfred Hitchcock movies filmed in the Bay Area with lots of behind the scenes notes.

He's quoted as saying to the San Francisco Chronicle,

"Many filmakers forget how important georgraphy is to a story. I chose Bodega Bay because I wanted an isolated group of people who
lived near an articulate community. Bodega Bay is a place where
sophisticated San Franciscans drive to spend the weekend. The location
provided the combination we wanted."

To top my day off Jim agreed to stop and let me peruse a couple of my favorite Antique shops along the way, Revival and the Rose and Thorn. We headed home through Sebastopol and stopped at Starbucks for a mocha. It was a perfectly relaxing, stress-free, rainy Sunday afternoon.

Date Night

Grammy watched the kids tonight so that we could go to a movie. We went on a double date with my cousin and her husband and Jim didn't even fall asleep once. It was so nice that I didn't have to elbow him in the ribs during the movie for snoring or move my seat and pretend I didn't know him.

We went and saw Youth in Revolt. It was a cute kind of teen age romantic comedy with a lot of adult content. Kind of cool that the setting was supposed to be in Oakland, Berkeley, Clear Lake and Ukiah. Thank God we didn't take Jimmy.

>

Last week I went to a movie all by myself. On a Saturday night. And I didn't for one second feel like a big loser. I was too happy to be out of the house doing something I enjoy, even it was by myself. I saw Up in the Air with George Clooney. It was just me, Clooney and troft of delicious buttery popcorn and a Costco size box of Whoppers. What? You want to know how my diet's coming along? Because I did write that down as one of my New Year's resolutions didn't I? The movie was a little on the depressing side lacking the usual "Hollywood ending". It made me want to run home and immediately hug my family.

I've decided I'm going to start doing things I like to do more often. I've got a big scrapbooking weekend coming up. Two full days of nothing but scissors, papers, stickers, pictures and my imagination. It's good for the soul.

Lately

Nothing comes easy.

Lately, everything seems to come with a fight. Not that these things aren't worth a fight because they are. I just never imagined my life in this place and fighting for the things I am fighting for.

Fighting with doctors.

Fighting with schools.

Fighting for appointments and tests.

Fighting for benefits.

Fighting technicalities.

Fighting for quality medical care that doesn't border on malpractice.

Fighting for answers.

Fighting for integrity and accountability.

Fighting for limited services and having to wait months to get them for my child with special needs.

Fighting for what is right, for things that shouldn't have to be fought for.

Fighting to catch my breath in between fights.

Fighting for things like ethical conduct and promises made and even put in writing.

No one ever said it was going to be easy.

But it wasn't supposed to be this complicated either. When did the "professionals" stop looking out for the best interest of the child?

I'm not a meek and fragile person by any stretch. I've got some fight, especially when I feel taken advantage of. I guess I'll see them in the ring.

Puh-lease...

Got a certified letter today from the one and only Dr. Julie Griffith in San Rafael, California. At first I thought maybe she was apologizing for being such a horrible doctor and overprescribing him medication which most likely caused his head drop seizures and for also misdiagnosing him with so many different diseases in our very first consultation at her office where she had the nerve to charge us $1687. Then I remembered she has no integrity.

It was a letter from her threatening me with a lawsuit for slander. Apparently she didn't like my report I wrote about her, documenting the facts, regarding our consultation at Rip Off Report.com:

http://www.ripoffreport.com/doctors/dr-julie-griffith/dr-julie-griffith-www-mybrain-7c42d.htm

The thing is, it is my right to have an opinion and it is my right to report, write and talk about my account of the appointment and it's outcome. There's this beautiful thing called the Bill of Rights and Freedom of Speech. Does she really think she can censor me? Wait until she finds out I've contacted ABC News - Finney on your side. How about my complaint I filed with the Medical Board, is that too slander? What about all of the people who have "opinions" about our President and public figures?

Yes, I wrote her back. And yes I will send it to Dr. Griffith certified mail.

On one level I was really ready to just pay the bad doctor, chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. But after this latest threat, I think I will now appeal the small claims judgement in Superior Court and sue this fraud of a Doctor for the over prescribing of medication, the misdiagnosis and malpractice and numerous HIPPA laws she has violated.

I should have done it a long time ago and I've got nothing but time.

The Good with the Bad

With the rain, working in construction and the holidays, Jim's been home a lot the last month. It's bad for the bank account but good for the parenting soul.

Jimmy loves that his dad has been taking him to school and picking him up. The Doodle likes having his dad to climb on and cuddle with. And I like having the company during the day and someone to make my coffee. Today I even got a chandelier hung in my closet I've been asking for since last year. So, yay! Way to start tackling the honey-do list.

So...We're Having an IEP Because Why?

I got a call last week from the Shape Supervisor that "everyone" wanted to have an IEP (Independent Education Plan) to discuss whether the Doodle still needs his nurse because he hasn't been having head drop seizures since the end of September...

I agreed and then immediately went to my handy, dandy Doodle Bug Binder. I pulled out the IEP and found where it clearly states that the Doodle have his one on one nurse at preschool until 6-2-10.

I was a little irritated at this impromptu IEP meeting, since he has the worst kind of epilepsy imaginable and has every kind of seizure you can have--just because he hasn't had a head drop seizure since the end of September does not make him seizure free. He still has a ton of seizure activity every single night and during the day when sleeping.

The fact is, his seizures just started last January. And, in one year's time they have progressed, regressed and improved. They've changed four times...in cycles. We have tried seven different anti seizure medicines and while I would love to be hopeful and be in a place where he didn't need a nurse or have to wear a helmet, we're not there yet. It's too soon and they are way jumping the gun. It hasn't even been six months.

So. Again. I will have to put my foot down and fight for what they already offered him and wrote into our legal binding agreement. It just means more work and stress for me. I have to now get a letter from his neurologist that this does not mean his seizures are over with or under control and that four months is not enough time to determine whether his seizures are under control.

We're supposed to be going in for another sleep study. They want to change his medication again. If that happens, who knows how he will respond. Every day I worry that the seizures will be back. That was a very dark time for the Doodle and our family and I don't even like to think about it. I get a little sick to my stomache.

I called back. Mentioned my position and what I am planning to bring with me so that there will be no surprises on January 19th. But what a waste of time. For everyone.

Oye.

Stop the Voices

I can’t get them out of my head. I must be crazy. I can’t help but walk around the house all day and go to bed every night thinking things like:

If he’d just talk, we’d be half way normal and he could have a chance at life,
If he could tell us what he wants, needs and feels, he wouldn't be nearly as frustrated. Nor would we.
If he’d stop having seizures, I would be so very grateful.
If he wasn’t taking all of that medicine, maybe we would see a happier and better behaved Doodle.
If only I could stop worrying.
If only I could understand why this has happened to him, and to us.
If only I knew what the rest of my life was going to be like. Wouldn't that be nice?
If only I could fix this.
If only I could stop the voices.

Taking Coco for a Ride

The Doodle got a new cart this weekend, I think this one makes number 9 but I stopped counting. He loves it. It turns from a stroller into a buggy/shopping cart thingy. He always pushes Coco around, but tonight he literally pushed her around in the cart and she couldn't have been a better sport about it; even when he rammed her into things and when he tipped the cart over. She took it like a true champ.

I'm actually liking this crazy cat now. She's very patient with the Doodle.

A Moment of Peace

The Doodle loves to take a bath. And I love to give him his bath. The best part is telling him it's time to take a bath. He gets so excited.

The arms start flapping, like a bird trying to fly. He starts taking off his pants and look for toys to throw in the tub. He used to splash a lot. And I mean a lot. To the point where he would flood the bathroom and I would have to take him out of the tub. But, lately, he's been more calm and tonight if I didn't know any better, I would say he was reading a book in the tub.

Justice Has Not Been Served

A cap to my 65 hour work week...

We got our decision from the small claims court judge. Unbelievably, I lost! I'm still not able to process the fact that the judge could not see merit in the reason I disputed the charge from the Fraud Dr. Julie Griffith, a poor excuse of a Neurologist and even worse D.A.N. Doctor.

Evidently, according to the small claim's court Judge's decision, I should have sued her first in Superior Court--but for what I'm not sure. What I am sure about is that none of our expectations were met from the appointment. She did nothing but make matters worse. She purposely and fraudulently gave us a trio of misdiagnosis on the Doodle in order to keep me there in her chair at $500 per hour and try to get us back for future $500 per hour appointments. Nothing she said was true or correct. How can you be that negligent and/or stupid as a Doctor unless you're doing it on purpose?

So it must have looked pretty bad that I was the "defendent" instead of the "plaintiff" and the fact that I stupidly missed our first court date probably didn't help.

This crazy doctor never even physically examined the Doodle and with that negligently prescribed him 2antiseizure drugs which triggered his head drop seizures. The icing on the cake was that she refused to speak with me unless I brought the Doodle back to her office for $500 per hour or gave her a credit card over the phone for a $400 per hour phone appointment.

This court decision is outrageous and at this point I am so upset about it I can't think straight. It's not about the money at this point. It's about principle and teaching this doctor that she can't take advantage of parents who are already desperate for answers, trying to find a reason to remain hopeful and wanting what is best for their child. She has no business being in a position of trust like that when she is so untrustworthy.

I haven't decided yet if I should appeal it in Superior Court. Basically, the Judge only looked at the black and white facts--we had an appointment, I knew her hourly rate, I stayed at her office for 3 hours, I signed the credit card slip for $1687 at the time of the appointment and then later I disputed it. Period. End of case. The Judge did not take into consideration why I disputed the charge or look at this crazy doctor's practices.

If you take your car to a mechanic they make you sign an estimate with their hourly rate, you pick your car up only to hear that all of these horrible things are wrong with your car. But you pay them because you are grateful that at least they figured it out. You take your car home and now the car is far worse than when you brought it to to the shop. You find out that all of the things they told you were wrong with the car were never really wrong with the car. When you call to talk to the mechanic about it, they refuse to talk to you unless you give a credit card. Just because you signed the estimate at the time of service does not mean you should have to pay for their time when nothing was fixed and the car is now undrivable because of what they did to it. Why shouldn't this Doctor be held to the same consumer standards as a freaking mechanic?

I want to cry. Then when I think of the tears I've already shed at the hands of this quack of a Doctor who moonlights as a massage therapist, I get angry. Thank goodness for www.ripoffreport.com. I will tell as many mothers of autistic children in the area that I possibly can about this experience with Dr. Julie Griffith. I will continue to puruse my complaint with the California Medical Board and I will write letters to organizations like Generation Rescue, Autism Speaks and Talk About Autism Now.

So what am I paying $1687 for? Oh yes, for wide-eyed and ignorantly sitting in her chair while she told me my son had a brain malformation that he didn't really have and so that she could waste my time and freak me out when it wasn't true. Is she not accountable for her mistakes? Part of me wants to appeal it. Part of me wants to pursue it and see it through to the bitter end and actually counter sue her. It will take time, money and effort and I'm not sure I have the fight in me. Part of me wants to just put it all behind me and chalk it up to a learning experience.

Of course this sucks because I have real, legitimate medical bills from genuine medical doctors from all of the Doodle's treatments, radiology, medications and hospital stays over the last year.

Frankly, I don't know how Dr. Julie Griffith sleeps at night knowing that she changed the course of of a little boy's life for the worse and then demanded money for it.

The Cutest Slippers Ever

They were an early Christmas present for the Doodle. They're horses. Handmade wool with a soft white mane. I would totally wear these if they came in my size.

Thinking, been dreaming actually, of getting a new digital camera. I'd also like to take some photography classes--to compliment my scrapbooking habbit. I've got a hankrin for expensive hobbies I guess.

Any recommendations for a good camera are appreciated.

A Little Bit of This

Washed down with a little bit of that

Add a few drops of this

To a nice hot one of these

While I listen to some of this

To help me forget about the horrible day I just had.

Let the Resolutions Begin

Watch less TV.,

Take more time off.

Dream more.

Lose 50 pounds, I just said I wanted to dream, right?

Teach the Doodle to TALK and Potty Train him...

Exercise.

Eat healthier.

Buy organic whenever possible.

Drink more water.

Organize closets.

Purge.

Simplify.

Get more sleep.

Take better care of myself.

Save money.

Practice random acts of kindness.

Organize my photos and catch up on scrapbooking.

Get a new camera.

Stop yelling when I'm mad, still dreaming here.

Remember what it felt like to be 10 years old.

I know, that's a lot of resolutions. But my last resolution this year is to get things done.

Yes Dear, There is a Difference

Our Doodle has a freakishly huge bladder because he's always peeing my bed.

I know. Gross.

And, yes, he still sleeps with us. I blame it on the seizure disorder. I need him to be close so I can keep an eye on him. He will be sleeping with us until he's 19. We're going to need a bigger bed.

We do, however, have a lovely waterproof mattress pad on our bed...and I'm always changing my sheets.

So I bought Goodnights. A night time diaper to try.

Well. Jim got the Goodnights mixed up with the Little Swimmers and as you might know, Little Swimmer sare for the pool and have very little absorbant material so not to weigh the child down. So I woke up in a puddle of pee.

So yes. There is a difference.

Good times.

Productivity

I love having time off, once I've had my share of laying around and relaxing I can get busy knocking out projects.

This week I got a lot done. More than usual with a sick Doodle and my mom gone. Here's what I've been up to:

Grocery Shopping.

Fun shopping at TJ Maxx, Kohls and Target.

Changed my blog layout...did you notice? And the song too.

Purged Doodle's room, rearranged furniture and organized toys into bins.

Putting Christmas decorations AWAY. FAR AWAY.

Emotionally scarring my 10 year old for life with crushing news about Santa. Good one.

Worked a little, real work, for my boss work.

Went to the movies. It's Complicated is G-R-E-A-T!

35 pages of Disney Land scrapbooking...done!

Purged my closet. Boxed up a giant box of clothes to donate. And Yes, I'm keeping this hat:)

Fired the house cleaner for sucking at cleaning house. Worse than me.

Started and stopped a couple of diets. Can't stop the ambition.

Got gas. The kind that goes in the car.

Had a nice visit with my cousin, Deanne.

Downloaded Christmas Eve, Christmas and New Year's Eve photos!

Watched some movies with my cute family.

How about you? What have you been up to?

My Little Penguin

Doodle reminds me of a Penguin. And why not?

He loves the water.

He waddles when he walks.

He likes to splash.

He's happiest in the tub.

He's not afraid of humans.

He looks good in black and white.

He caws, maybe in Penguin-speak.

He's independent and does what he wants.

He doesn't mind the cold.

He loves to be outside.

He huddles and cuddles to keep cozy and warm.
Say hello to my little Penguin.

Happy New Year

I'm hoping and optimistic that 2010 will be a better year for the Doodle and our family. I'm hoping we continue to control the head drop and grand mal seizures.

Last night was a fun filled night with dinner and games at my cousin's house. We elected not to bring the Doodle with us since he's been sick and there was going to be a lot of kids there. I would have hated to infect them all.

It worked out that I could find a babysitter at the last minute. It's a much more relaxing and fun way to enjoy a party rather than chasing the Doodle around someone elses house hoping he's not breaking things or taking off out the front door. I felt a little guilty but realized it was for the best for all. Including the little insomniac because he hasn't been sleeping. There's no way he could have fallen asleep there with set after set of Guitar Hero and Rock Band being played.

So we left the party at 12:05 am, Jimmy was a having a blast with all of his cousins.

The Doodle is feeling better today so the fun he didn't get to have last night, we made up for today and played and played. These pictures are of him getting chased. He loves to play "Im Going to Get You".

Happy New Year everyone.