1st Day of Preschool

Today was the day we've been anxiously waiting for. The Doodle Bug started Special Ed Preschool today and as proud as I was to watch him go, my heart was breaking a little bit.

It was bitter sweet and I thought the 3 hours would go by a little faster than they did. It was a little bit like watching paint peel. My only comfort is knowing that this is the best thing for him and I feel so much better that he has our trusted nurse, Lou Lou with him. He adores her and I am counting on her to love him while he is there.

I drove him today since the short bus still needs to be scheduled. I walked him to class, stayed for a bit and then inconspicuously left. Lou Lou said he did great! He was a little protective of his pink toy baby stroller that he insisted on bringing...I don't think we'll bring it again. And the best news for the whole day is that he has had ZERO seizures today. So far, so good.

He came home from school and was completely ready for his nap. He's not used to so much activity and excitement. Usually the Doodle is captive in our bedroom stuck on the carpet. I'm hoping this school will be fantastic for his development, social and communicative skills. He shows such potential if we can just get the seizures under control.

I'm so proud of this little man and I'm pretty proud of myself for not crying too much today; or at least in public. I can't wait to scrapbook these pictures!

Slowing Down


I was downloading pictures this morning of our family day at the beach yesterday and as chaotic as it was out there with the Doodle and the crashing waves and tons of people, I felt a sense of peace wash over me. I'm laying here in bed with my two favorite boys watching cartoons and drinking my coffee and I've decided there is nothing that needs to be done today.

Nothing.

Today we will just relax.

We don't have to be anywhere, no work, school or therapy appointments. I don't need to clean anything. I don't need to buy anything. I don't need to start any new projects. I don't need to check email. We don't have to get out of pajamas.

Today we will just slow down and I will do nothing except enjoy my children.

Favorites

I can honestly say I don't have a favorite. I think it's because there is such a huge age difference. Each boy requires different things from me. Jimmy is so independent and the Doodle requires so much care.

Jimmy had 6 1/2 years of complete devotion when he was little. He was our first. He was our favorite. I remember telling Jim when I was pregnant with the Doodle I didn't think I would be able to love him as much as I loved Jimmy; but I do. The capacity of the human heart and spirit is amazing.

I look at this picture and can't believe that everything I love, cherish and worry about in the world can fit into my bed.

Incompletes

I used to be the task master and would attack my projects from both ends, burning the midnight oil to get things finished. It would kill me to have an unfinished project just sitting. That was before kids; or dare I say, before the Doodle. I was still able to accomplish amazing things with Jimmy, he was a really easy child.

With the Doodle, I feel lucky if I can get a shower or put a bra on. He's not the kind of kid you can sit on the bed, tell him to stay there and turn a cartoon on. He's quick as a whip and will be off the bed, down the hall and out the door before the water has heated up in the shower.

I look around the house (and garage) and I see so many things I had high hopes to finish. Anyone who knows me, knows I like to craft and create but since the Doodle requires so much one on one attention, working on a project is impossible. Waiting for him to go to sleep so I can do something is futile also 1.) because he never sleeps and 2.) because he is such a light sleeper that a sneeze or creek in the bed would wake him up and we'd have to start all over.

That's why this blog is so important to me. It is something I can do every day and finish, albeit my work in progress.

My other projects call to me in a whining kind of voice demanding my attention, they're all rolling around in my already overwhelmed head. Here's some of my unfinished items:

Baby shadow boxes for the boys.

3 months of scrapbooking to catch up on.

Hanging pictures that have still never been hung in 3 years.

Hardware on the Doodle's closet and bedroom door.

Painting the Doodle's bedroom.

Baptizing the Doodle.

Losing weight. (yes, this is an incomplete project)

Posting and selling some crap on Craigslist.

Mosaics.

Mixed media art projects.

My closet decorating and chandelier project.

Tending to the overgrowth of the roses.

Recycling the thousands of bottles Jim has stored up in the urns.

Planting something in the urns.

Unread books next to my bed.

Turning some old chairs into planters.

Refinishing table in garage.

Refinishing another table in garage.


Sigh.

So in the midst of all of these incompletes, I still found it necessary to buy this:
Yes, that is a dog purse. And no, I do not have a dog. Just one more incomplete thing barking at me.

An Ear Full

Some days require two posts, it's out of my control. I can't oppress the funny.

It was such a beautiful and warm evening we decided to eat dinner outside tonight. Being autistic, Doodle Bug has issues with certain textures. Although, he's come a long way because before he did not like the feeling of sand, play dough, Koosh balls or anything remotely squishy or slimy. He also doesn't like things too hot or cold. This is why we are having such a hard time getting him to drink from a sippy cup or regular cup. Now he can deal with most textures but is still a little unsure of corn on the cob.

Until tonight.




Doodle Time

There's nothing sweeter than waking up in the morning with the Doodle even with him breathing his nasty dragon breath in my face.

Unlike the ramped up and restless insomniac he is at bedtime, he's the cutest, coziest and most affectionate when he wakes up. I love the little sounds and coos that he makes, he says ooooooh and ahhhhhhhhh and mmmmmmmmmmmm while hugging me; which I'm sure if he could talk would mean, "Good morning Mommy, I love you now get me some milk".

Then, I tell him not to have any seizures today, kiss him and turn on one of his favorite shows, Dora the Explorer, Diego or Wonder Pets. Laying in bed and cuddling with him and scratching his knee while he watches his show and has his milk is one of my favorite times of the day. Next week it's going to come to a crashing end when he starts preschool. I will be watching cartoons all by myself and forced to scratch my own knee I guess.

Ahhh the butt breath, I'm not sure what we're feeding him to make his breath smell like Jim's feet, maybe it's the Very Vanilla Soy milk or his large amounts of medication he's taking or both. I mentioned it to his doctor and he thinks it might be from the medicine.

We brush his teeth every day. He's been to the dentist. Time for some Doodle breath-defying mints.

What Matters to Me


A safe and sleeping Doodle.

Knowing that my family knows how much I love them.

Laughing so hard you can't stop.

Good, quality, caring medical care.

Living an abundant life.

Gratitude for the good.

Adding that finishing touch or special detail to things.

Finding strength in the darkness.

Honoring holidays and creating traditions.

A good French Roast with no grounds in my cup.

Friends I know I can count on.

Kissing my kids goodnight.

Really, really good chocolate.

Doing something creative every day of my life.

Bargain shopping.

Inspiring books and magazines.

Movies that can move you to tears or make you pee your pants.

Being strong and not taking any crap.

Comfortable shoes and underwear.

Remembering to slow down and take a breath.

Hearing about Jimmy's day.

Not worrying about dirty dishes.

Raising polite kids (I can Dream can't I?)

Lots of hugs.

Family time even if it is only a walk on Garbage Night.

Being constantly amazed by my children.

Doing a good job at work.

Creating beautiful spaces.

Celebrating life, even the challenges.

Praying for health.

Hoping for a cure.

Time for a New Pediatrician

I should have listened to my gut.

Since the Doodle will be starting Preschool sometime this week and because of his severe seizure disorder the school is REQUIRING a prescription for Diastat, which is used in emergencies for seizures atonic (grand mal) seizures that go longer than 5 minutes while they are waiting for 911 to respond.

We already have an emergency Diastat kit on hand, at home.

I called our Pediatrician's office on Thursday to have them call in a prescription for this emergency Diastat Kit to be kept at the school for the Doodle...just in case. The prescription was denied.

What? This has to be some kind of mistake, right?

The Nurse at the Pediatrician's office left me a voicemail message Friday night that the Dr. didn't think it was necessary for the Doodle to have this on hand in case of an emergency.

Hmmmm.

I called the Dr.'s office back this morning, scratching my head in disbelief that I was even having to make this stupid phone call. I asked to speak with the Dr. or at least leave a message for him to call me back. Instead, I got transferred to the same nurse who had called before. I never really anticipated that I would actually get to speak with the Doctor; it's almost unheard of.

So I told the nurse that I could not believe that the Dr. was DENYING us an emergency seizure kit which was part of the seizure protocol from the school. She restated that the Dr. didn't think it was necessary for the type of seizures that the Doodle was having.

WTF?

I reminded her that besides the head-drops, the Doodle also has grand mal seizures...multiple and in clusters and even though we haven't needed to use our emergency Diastat kit at home, YET, that they had to use it in the Hospital last month when we were admitted for his 12+ grand mals in 28 hours.

"Oh", she said.

I asked if she or the Doctor happened to check the Doodle's chart or medical history? And then I told her it might make sense for someone to brush up on the recent medical history and changes in the Doodle's epilepsy before they go making rash decisions to deny a perfectly reasonable request from the school. I also let her know that the Doctor was on the pediatric floor last month when we were admitted for the multiple grand mal seizures because I saw him---yet he never bothered to come into our room or check on the Doodle while he was there. No hi, kiss my ass or anything.

We were completely ignored by this Pediatrician.

This is the same Doctor whom we never actually get to see when we make appointments even when I specifically request to see him; we usually get the Nurse Practitioner.

This is the same Doctor that thinks nothing of keeping you waiting in the waiting room for 45 minutes with an autistic child but if you are 10 minutes late for an appointment, refuses to see you and then charges you as if it was a NO SHOW.

This is the same Doctor who told me I was "crazy" for bringing the Doodle into his office at 13 months to see if he thought he might be Autistic and then received the report from another Doctor that YES, THE DOODLE IS AUTISTIC. What's that Doctor? I can't hear you with your foot stuck in your mouth...

This is the same Doctor who does not believe in anything biomedical to treat Autism symptoms--things like food allergies, toxins, metals, candida, vitamin deficiencies, or spreading out the vaccinations.

I will call our Neurologist at UCSF for the prescription for the emergency kit to be kept at the school; which I should have done in the first place.

Time for a new Pediatrician.

You Can't Force Fun



Today we took the boat out to the lake. We brought the Doodle out with us this time knowing we would only be out for a few hours. Jimmy was all jacked up to wake board again. It was unbelievably windy today once the fog wore off.

"The lake was angry my friends, like an old man sending soup back in a deli".
Any Seinfeld fans out there?

I forgot what a challenge it was to pull the boat off the trailer and drive it back on with a squirmy Doodle in my lap. He loves to grab the steering wheel and jerk it back and forth which didn't help me much either.

Within minutes of launching the boat, I was listening to the Doodle scream because either:

1. He wanted to drive the boat by himself and I wasn't comfortable with that;
2. He hates his new hair cut (more about that later);
3. The sun was blinding him and I forgot to bring his shades;
4. The strap from the life jacket was riding up his ass;
5. He was tired of listening to Kenny Chesney whine about life passing by;
6. All of the above.

I'm pretty sure it waas #6. Jim was parking the truck and trailer so he didn't get to enjoy the full effect of the Doodle screeches, although he mentioned he could hear them from the parking lot.

I had just lost a contact lense and I was already ready to go to back to the confides of home but our day had just begun and, little did I know, would only get worse from here.

The Doodle fussed while we drove around the lake looking for a place to have our picnic lunch. I don't think he liked having the wind blowing in his face. He was unusually anxious.

We tried a few different places and then the Doodle calmed down a bit. For a minute. Jim took him to the back of the boat to put his feet in the water. He loved it.

He was kicking and laughing until he scraped his leg on the swimdeck...then he wanted to go in the water, so after a huge production of getting his swim diaper on, and Jim jumping in the water to take him in, he changed his mind.

Jimmy decided he wanted to wake board and I was fantasizing about being at home in bed watching Dora the Explorer and eating a Krispy Kreme baker's dozen of donuts at this point.

Taking the fun wrecker is not relaxing at all. Everyone is on edge. But we keep trying it because we feel bad and guilty when we leave him at home, after all, he is part of our family, fun wrecker or not. Perhaps we are delusional or maybe overly optimistic and unreasonable with our expectations of him and what he can tolerate. In our minds, it's so romantic to think we can have a fun family day at the lake...or at the beach...or at the boardwalk...or at the park...or at a restaurant. Almost every time the Doodle proves us wrong.

It would seem like the Doodle would have so much fun riding in the boat and being out on the water in the sunshine with three of his favorite people in the world. It's got to be better than being cooped up in the house in our bedroom on the carpet or bed all day and night.

Nah.

So we made our way back to the ski area so that Jimmy could wake board. Remember I said it was really windy? Well, with wind comes rough and choppy water. It was like an ocean with little white caps. So to make a long story longer, Jim ran over the ski rope and the rope broke and wrapped around the propeller...

Jimmy was out in the middle of the lake with his wake board, drifting and getting further and further away from us because of the wind. I was fighting the Doodle for the orange flag, he wanted so badly to throw it in. Jim had to swim out to get Jimmy. The Doodle was crying.

Now we were stuck out in the middle lake with a disappointed 9 year old who didn't get to wake board, a tormented and overstimulated Doodle Bug, a very frustrated Jim, a severed rope and a usually tense ME wishing we would have never came. But it's Sunday and at least we had Garbage Night to look forward to.

Good times.

Jim magically got the rope unstuck off of the propeller and we got the hell out of Dodge as quickly and uneventfully as possible. On the bright side, I can report that no digital cameras were destroyed at the expense of our "fun" today at the lake.

With that said, I can't wait for Fall.

And, I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I totally botched the Doodle's hair and not in a good way.
I'm calling Mark Burnett tomorrow to tell him I have a new challenge to give his Survivor contestants on the next show...Give them epileptic autistic toddlers and make them cut their hair; who ever gives the best hair cut whilst the child screams, kicks, grabs the sharp scissors, poops their pants, has a seizure and throws up WINS. The tie-breaker can be cutting their fingernails. Anyone can eat bugs.

For obvious reasons I would not have won this challenge. Dominic's hair has never been more more lopsided. I was cutting it because it was getting shaggy and it's so hot and sweaty wearing that helmet every day in the heat. This is the hair cut to end all hair cuts.

I thought I was doing him a favor. Jim says he now looks even more "special". But I say, it's nothing a fabulous Coach beanie can't cover up...

Say What?

Conversation around our dinner table might sound something like this...

Jimmy: You know what I like about being me?

Me: What's that?

Jimmy: I don't have to wear one of those handy caps like the Doodle.

Me: You mean the helmet?

Jimmy: No, the Handy Cap.

Me: You mean, handicap?

Jimmy: Yeah. Those.

Me: A handicap isn't something you wear, it's something you are.

Jimmy: Never mind.

##################

Jimmy: Mom, can you get dressed tomorrow before you pick me up from school?

Me: What? I get dressed every day.

Jimmy: You get dressed in your pajamas. Can you put some pants on?

Me: Jimmy, those aren't pajamas...they're sweats.

Jimmy: Then why do you wear them to bed?

Me: Hmmph.

########################

Jim: So, Jimmy, what's with the all the exercise all of sudden? What motivated you to work out?

Jimmy: I dunno what expired me.

##################

Jimmy: Mom, why do you wear a baseball hat everyday, are you going bald like dad?

Me: No,just grey.

Jimmy: Wow. That's even worse.

##################

While eating breakfast...

Jimmy: That's pretty sad about the Doodle.

Me: You mean about his seizures?

Jimmy: No, how he can't eat toast. Toast is one of my favorite things to eat.

Me: Doodle can eat toast.

Jimmy: No, you said he was black-toast intolerant.

Me: OK, but, no, it's lactose intolerant.

Jimmy: Huh?

Me: His stomach is sensitive to dairy.

Jimmy: Oh. (pause) Well, the seizure thing must be a bummer too.

#################

Jimmy: Mom, are there such things as stink bugs?

Me: I guess so.

Jimmy: So, do they really stink?

Me: I guess so.

Jimmy: Worse than me?

Me: Probably.

Jimmy: Wow! That's a lot of stink.

##################

Jimmy: Hey Mom.

Me: Yes Jimmy?

Jimmy: Those glasses don't look so good on you.

Me: .......

Jimmy: Why do you wear them all the time?

Me: Uhm, because I can't see without them.

Jimmy: (pause) Oh, then they look really great.

Parent of the Year

What parent doesn't let their epileptic toddler with a farmer's tan jump on the bed?It's not like he wasn't wearing any pants...
Or a protective helmet.

Besides he was gettin' jiggy with it to some Timbaland and I couldn't deny him his FUNK.

The Doodle's IEP

This picture is a tiny indicator of how it went today at the IEP Meeting at the School (Independent Education Plan):
The Doodle will be in the medically fragile class and will be the most active, mobile and ADHD of the bunch.

The Doodle will have a one on one nurse assigned to him instead of the Autism Shape Assistant he should have.

The nurse will ride the short bus with him.

The classroom he will be in is for severely medically fragile children. The Doodle is medically fragile when he is having a seizure, otherwise he is primarily autistic.

The Doodle will be the only autistic child in the classroom.

The Doodle will only be receiving 6 hours of Shape (Autism) assistance in the home per week, when he is entitled to receive 15 hours.

Not sure our Shape Assistant is a good match for the Doodle. Only time will tell.

I was told there was no such thing as an "autism" classroom to even put him in...hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

We still won't have our Betsy.

All I can think of right now as I gulp down my wine is what have I done? Oh. And where is my Costco size bottle of Tylenol PM?

Knock Knock


We had a nice visit today from our friends Jill and Peyton. Jill was so sweet to remember that the Doodle is obsessed with opening and closing doors and brought a great kitchen activity center and a Front Door Play House with door bell for the Doodle to play with for a while. He was so happy, he has so many doors he can open and shut now and he can be safe on the carpet. Thoughtful gestures is what true friendship is made of.

Thanks Jill and Peyton, come back and play anytime!

Odd, But True

I love this picture of Jim, he's still so handsome to me after all of these years...soul patch and all.

Some of our best times as a family happen on Sunday nights when we take the garbage down to the end of the road. It's a complete family affair.

Jimmy brings his bike or skateboard and the Doodle is usually in his pink car or Radio Flyer Wagon. Our crazy cat Coco even makes the jaunt. She walks right along side of us as if she's a dog.

One of the Doodle's new, favorite things in the whole wide world to do besides pushing his multitude of carts around is to go for a ride in the Jeep Wrangler. He loves sitting on his dad's lap and driving. We take the Jeep out around the vineyard and he loves looking at the horses next door.

The only bummer about taking him for a ride is that when it's time to come in, he screams. He does the sign with his hands for "more" while he's crying, so it's a Catch 22 whether or not to take him. He gets such joy out of it, but then gets so upset when it's time to stop. The boy does not like to hear No, Stop, Wait or No More. I know most kids don't like to hear no, but this is different. Because I can, I'm going to chalk it up to to just one more gift autism has given us...I'm going to have tee shirts and bumper stickers made that say:

AUTISM: The Gift That Keeps On Giving
It's the gift of psychotic impatience. Jimmy, at this age didn't like being told no either, but he was able to maintain a level of dignity with his impatience. He was able to eventually learn the value and art of waiting and didn't freak out or go postal like the Doodle does. I know, I know, different kid, different personality. Even so, it doesn't make it any easier.

p.s. What does it mean that I dreamt about short buses and mean bus drivers last night.

Goodbye Pepe'


Pepe' is gone, either dead or moved on. I'm thinking a vineyard worker hunted him and ate him. I've heard they taste like chicken. Or maybe he flew South for the winter and he just wanted to be the first one there. Either way, we are no longer graced with his stealth presence and annoying peacock calls. So if you happen to see him, tell him we miss him.

What An Exciting Day



Today was Jimmy's first day of 4th Grade. He was so excited. He had the clothes he was going to wear all laid out last night and woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed. He got the teacher he was hoping for and one of his best friends is in his class, so he was pretty stoked this morning. I think he might have snuck one of my Go-Girls. Can you tell?


Then we had a little communication-fart take place.
A Short Bus showed up here this morning to take the Doodle to his first day of Special Ed Preschool. Only, they must not have gotten the memo that the Doodle won't be starting school this week after all. We have another IEP scheduled this Friday to determine the best classroom and school for him. I always wanted to choose the school closest to us which happens to be the school Jimmy goes to, but we are technically not in the district. So, because of the Doodle's medical condition with multiple seizures a day, they are now willing to give us a referral over to the other school because they have a medically fragile classroom there. This Friday I find out exactly what that means for him.

I have a feeling I'm going to have to be my usual demanding-self in order to fight for what is best for him there. I'm already getting some pushback on the phone with some of my requests, like asking for a one one one. Not that I need to, but it might be time to break out the Matrix Advocate if they try dicking me around too much. I hope I'm making the right decision.

Meanwhile, I still haven't been able to shake that image of the short bus driving down our driveway from my brain. I'm not sure why it affects me so much. Must have been all of the short bus jokes I told in Junior High.

A Little Gift


I bought myself a little gift today, the gift of Time; aka a house cleaner. I've never claimed to be the best housekeeper in the world or very good with money. When I was growing up, I used to do the dishes wrong so that my mom wouldn't ask me to do them anymore.
And even as an adult, I used to hide dirty dishes in the oven. You know, to let something "soak". One time, I turned the oven on to preheat it and forgot I had some plasticware inside. I had a seriously toxic fire of molten hot Tupperware blazing in my oven. The fire department came with sirens on because a neighbor had called about all of the billowing black smoke.

My mom helps out around my house a lot otherwise it would be even worse if she didn't help with the dishes and laundry. She helps out by doing my three day old dishes and washing weeks of dirty clothes.
I now have a sign in my living room that warns: My House Was Clean Last Week, You Should Have Seen It.
The other night I did a load of wash, and sure, it had been a while. I didn't think I put that much soap in the washer but evidently it had a different idea. The entire laundry room flooded. I never knew you could flood something just by putting too much soap in. I thought that was just in the movies. Well, I'm hear to tell you it's not. A repairman came out and told us there was nothing wrong with the washing machine...it was operator error. I tried to blame it on the Doodle since he doesn't talk but that seemed very suspicious.

So first thing this morning, I was up cleaning the house before the house cleaners came. I'm not sure what drives me to do that. I guess I want to trick them into thinking I could do it myself if I wanted or to show them that I really don't need them. But after they took one look at Jimmy's upstairs bathroom, I think the jig was up.

We had a house cleaner before but, like me, she wasn't so good at cleaning either. When I found myself, the worst housekeeper in history, giving her cleaning tips I knew it was time for a change. Our old house keeper couldn't really tell time either. She would always tell us what time she was coming and then show up 3 hours later. Maybe she was still on a different time zone. Then she would leave half way through the cleaning part for a few hours and come back to finish. Pretty soon it would be 8:00 pm and Jim would be getting irritated that she was still here vacuuming.

So the new cleaners seemed pretty good. There were 3 and they were in and out like clockwork and never disappeard once. I saw them clean things that I don't think have ever been cleaned before. They even moved the furniture. And my house smelled so nice and clean when they left--until "someone" caught the steaks on fire and now my house smells like charcoal but, that's another blog entry.
My house was so bad and hard to clean that what started out to be a prenegotiated price of $80 every two weeks, quickly went up to $120. But that's OK because there's nothing nicer than a clean house that I didn't have to clean before Jim gets home.


Rainbows, Unicorns and Sunshine

So I am getting some interesting feedback that my blog is depressing and sad.

Well, guess what? Raising a child with special needs is no picnic. The autism is hard and then you throw in severe epilepsy and our life is unfortunate, painful, sad, depressing, frustrating, scary, exhausting, miserable, daunting, dangerous, terrorizing and tragic.

Some days I just cry. Some days I am devastated.

I can't pretend this isn't heartbreaking. I can't pretend this isn't happening. I can't put on a happy face and pretend everything is Honky-Dorry so that my blog can invigorate you. That's not my job. My life is not rainbows, unicorns and sunshine.

I cannot find the goodness in epilepsy and anticonvulsants and I refuse to be fake. What you see and read is what you get. It's all me. The good and the bad. When I'm having a good day, you will know it--my good days are gauged by the number of seizures the Doodle is having.

I'm all for constructive criticism but if you think I complain too much, I'm too sad and negative-- then what are you doing here? Don't read my blog. I promise you, I will not be offended.

So until you've walked in my shoes and had to take care of your very sick baby every day that is not getting better, but actually worse, and you do not know why or what the future holds, then keep your judgements and advice to yourself.

Everyone's a critic.

Passive Agressive

I had to laugh early this morning while stumbling through the maze of toys on the floor to get to the coffee, I noticed this. I'm still trying to figure out what it all means.

I felt like I was caught in the middle of a Murder She Wrote episode. I kept asking myself, but who would want the plastic daddy guy dead? And why? Could it be because all he does all day is hang out in the man garage sleeping in the hammock? One thing is for sure, it can't be the mommy since there is NO mommy person.

Maybe it was operator error? Daddy guy could have had one too many at the Brass Rail bar last night and fallen out of the Giant Hummer since the Doodle busted off the doors and the Hummer could have accidentally run over him. Except that doesn't make sense since he was run over with the FRONT tire. Maybe the daddy guy got out to take a whiz and stood in front of the giant hummer that was still running and some how it came out of gear. Could have been a freak accident.

We have a call into Matlock. Surely he can crack this case.

Stick Marks


I was looking at the Doodle's favorite white helmet today and noticing all of the various dings, marks, dents, divets and scrapes. I had to stop and be thankful for that little white shield that has been protecting his skull most of the time. It also reminded me of a funny story.

Back in high school, I borrowed one of my friend's football uniforms and helmet so that I could dress up like a football player for Halloween. I remember smelling the jersey and wanting to throw up. My orange 76 Toyota Corolla reeked like sweat. So I went home after school and washed it. I remember thinking how dirty and gross it all was and trying hard not to imagine what went on in those tight white pants.
So I washed them.
I washed the uniform and scrubbed the helmet clean, or the best I could anyway. I remember the helmet had marks and little chips of paint all over it. So I used some finger nail polish remover and got almost all of the marks off. I was so proud of myself, I couldn't wait to show my smelly friend my handy work.

When he saw his helmet all pretty and clean he was mortified. He just about had a emotional breakdown. He almost cried. He was screaming at me, telling me he couldn't believe I cleaned off his "stick marks". I didn't understand. Apparently, those chips of paint were from him making head to head contact with the other team engaging them in battle on the field. The silly marks proved he wasn't a bench warmer. And evidently, they were supposed to stay on the helmet like a badge of honor or something.
Oooops. He never let me borrow his uniform again.

The Answers to Autism May Be Inside the Mind


An interesting article from ABC News. This story appeared on Good Morning America:


Dr. Fernando Miranda Says Neurologists Should Be More Involved in Autism Fight
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/OnCall/story?id=4882297&page=1


Our Very Own, Personal Tasmanian Devil


I have a new nickname for the Doodle.

Doodle Bug sounds so small, harmless and innocent doesn't it? Around the house I think I will now start referring to him as TAZ. He is the destroyer of all things.

In the past few months he has colored on our flatscreen, midnight blue I think; broken Papa Jerry's glasses; thrown my mom's phone into the bathtub; thrown my digital camera into the sand open shutter; ripped one of our screen doors with the help of our crazy cat and ripped through hundreds of dollars of our books; thrown shoes and other items out of the car window; dropped my Blackberry into a nice hot cup of coffee; broken several of Jim's family's framed pictures; thrown toys and other breakables from the upstairs balcony; and most recently--last night in fact, ripped my air card out of my laptop. He enjoys pulling things out of the refrigerator and dumping them onto the floor. And, you never know what you might find in the toilet. We have been through several universal remotes. He pretty much runs around the house, when physically able, tipping things over and getting into stuff. I shudder to mention some of things our cat has had to endure at the hands of the Doodle. If you aren't watching him closely you might find him standing in the middle of the dining room table trying to grab onto the chandelier, jumping on my bed or after escaping, running down the driveway.

I'm sure there's more. And, by golly, I'm sure there will be much more.

School is Cool


Unless you're a Doodle Bug and you have multiple seizures a day then I'm thinking it might not be so cool.

What to do? Where to send him? Should he go at all?

These are the questions that plague me; keeping me awake at night, amongst other things like what our future holds. I want so much for him to experience preschool and it is a special education environment where they are supposed to be equipped and adept to handling Doodle Bugs. Except, I can't help but be apprehensive shipping him off to a classroom that might be an unsafe and a non-nurturing environment for him. Who will be there to give him the hugs he needs?

Of course I want him to learn and blossom and grow; if that is possible and I'm more than willing to be patient and understand his limitations. I have embraced his limitations and have fully accepted the Doodle for who he is; quirks and all. That's not to say I do not have hopes and dreams for him. I do. I have just had to reorganize my dreams for him.

We do not have the seizures under control yet and I'm not sure we ever will. So it's not a matter of waiting until when...because that may never be. He's still so little and fragile and I would never forgive myself if something bad happened to him at school and I wasn't there.

And, don't even get me started on the short bus again.

"I'm Borrrrrrrreeeeeed"

If I have to hear from Jimmy one more time about how bored he is this summer I think I might go out for a pack of cigarettes and not come back (and I don't even smoke). I told him, "I'm sorry, I can't understand you, I don't speak whinese" He said, "But, Mommmmm" and I said, "What's a ButtMom? Now, stop whining before I call you a whambulance."

He's had, what seems to me, a pretty darn good summer; considering he has a very sick little brother who's having multiple seizure a day and two parents that work full time. We're not a big week or two take your family on a vacation kind of people, we're more your take a 3 day weekend here and there and go somewhere easy, manageable and close like Yosemite or Disneyland. Oh, and we do have a Disneyland trip planned in 3 1/2 months...

So let's recap the last two months poor, deprived, bored Jimmy has had to endure by doing nothing more than watching paint peel.
We bought a new boat and have taken him to the lake at least 6 or 7 times.

Tonight he learned to wake board. Pretty boring I guess.

We've been to the beach a few times.

He had a Jimmy and Dad only day at Scandia playing miniature golf, hitting in the batting cages and riding the go-karts followed with Lunch at In and Out Burger.

He got a trip to foggy San Francisco.

He's gone dirt bike riding with his dad a whole bunch of times.

He gets to stay up late and sleep in with NO HOME WORK due.

He got a Jimmy only overnight trip to the Gilroy Outlets to go school clothes shopping and got a butt load of news clothes. And met his dream girl...

He got a day at Marine World with his friends.

He got his room re-organized and redecorated with new bedding, etc.

He got to go to a really cool skate board camp and get taught to skate by one of the old school pros, Ron Allen.

He saw numerous movies this summer: Transformers, GForce, My Sister's Keeper, 17 Again.

He been taken to dinners and lunches and breakfasts at some of his favorite restaurants.

He got to hang out with his favorite cousin.

He got to rent and also buy new video games for his Play Station 2 and had hours and hours of time to play...when he should have been READING.

He got to have multiple play dates with his friends.

And let's not forget his miserable night at the fair.

How spoiled does he have to be? I don't know how to tell him that he's got it pretty made for a 9 year old without sounding like one of those parents who used to walk to school barefoot in the snow and eat ice for dinner. But I do remember my summers consisting of a lot of nothing to do and being bored. Isn't that just part of being a kid?