Say What?

Conversation around our dinner table might sound something like this...

Jimmy: You know what I like about being me?

Me: What's that?

Jimmy: I don't have to wear one of those handy caps like the Doodle.

Me: You mean the helmet?

Jimmy: No, the Handy Cap.

Me: You mean, handicap?

Jimmy: Yeah. Those.

Me: A handicap isn't something you wear, it's something you are.

Jimmy: Never mind.

##################

Jimmy: Mom, can you get dressed tomorrow before you pick me up from school?

Me: What? I get dressed every day.

Jimmy: You get dressed in your pajamas. Can you put some pants on?

Me: Jimmy, those aren't pajamas...they're sweats.

Jimmy: Then why do you wear them to bed?

Me: Hmmph.

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Jim: So, Jimmy, what's with the all the exercise all of sudden? What motivated you to work out?

Jimmy: I dunno what expired me.

##################

Jimmy: Mom, why do you wear a baseball hat everyday, are you going bald like dad?

Me: No,just grey.

Jimmy: Wow. That's even worse.

##################

While eating breakfast...

Jimmy: That's pretty sad about the Doodle.

Me: You mean about his seizures?

Jimmy: No, how he can't eat toast. Toast is one of my favorite things to eat.

Me: Doodle can eat toast.

Jimmy: No, you said he was black-toast intolerant.

Me: OK, but, no, it's lactose intolerant.

Jimmy: Huh?

Me: His stomach is sensitive to dairy.

Jimmy: Oh. (pause) Well, the seizure thing must be a bummer too.

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Jimmy: Mom, are there such things as stink bugs?

Me: I guess so.

Jimmy: So, do they really stink?

Me: I guess so.

Jimmy: Worse than me?

Me: Probably.

Jimmy: Wow! That's a lot of stink.

##################

Jimmy: Hey Mom.

Me: Yes Jimmy?

Jimmy: Those glasses don't look so good on you.

Me: .......

Jimmy: Why do you wear them all the time?

Me: Uhm, because I can't see without them.

Jimmy: (pause) Oh, then they look really great.

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