My One Cute Blog

Have you noticed, the background on my blog keeps changing?  Long-story-short, one day my background just disappeared.  Poof! Gone. Completely unintentional.  I had downloaded it free from one of these cute blog layout sites.  I'm not a high-techy person so I went searching for another layout.  There are so many out there, it's hard to choose.  I like this one with the little birds; birds now remind me of my little brother Tony and how much I miss him. I have a little bird on my fireplace in his memory; it looks like the little bird that appeared around here right after he died. I still think about him every day.

The blog is a little pink but oh well, it's cute and it's free.  I got this one from myonecuteblog.com.

They've got all kinds of cute stuff over there...soap, jewelry, fun links.

Thanks http://www.myonecuteblog.com/

Where's Doodle?

A little game the Doodle Bug likes to play...

Where's Doodle?

He loves more than anything, even Doritos, to be chased!

He cracks up and runs but then slows down so that you'll catch him.

You have to say, "I'm going to get you" and that triggers it.

His new favorite thing to do is hide.

If you can't find him, there's a pretty good chance he's

in the shower,

in the pantry,

in the curtains

or he just went out the front door.

July in Doodleville

Watching a movie in 3D with Dad.

Playing in the Danger Zone.

Doing a little stretching to get warmed up for running my parents ragged.

Jimmy

A friend of ours is a great local photographer and since it was time to update Jimmy's portfolio we went to his studio and did a photo shoot.  He's at an awkward age right now where he does not look 10 years old.  He goes to auditions and "go see's" and he's a foot taller than most of the kids his age. Of course I'm bias but I think he's one handsome boy. I love how Italian he looks in some of these pictures, he definitely get's his olive skin from his dad.

Happy Birthday Doodle Bug!

I can't believe your four. 
I hope today was a happy day for you.
Short of taking you to the Dorito's factory and cutting you loose, we tried to do things that would make YOU happy. 
You smiled a lot, clapped your hands and didn't bite anyone so I'm taking it that it was a good day.
Thank you for all of the hugs; it makes it worth it.
We love you.

Diversions and the Garden Hose

Jim describes living with autism like trying to plug up a leak in a garden hose. You plug up one hole and the water will shoot out somewhere else.

How do you get a melting down autistic boy with OCD to stop obsessing about something? Easy. You divert his attention away and give him something else to OCD about.

When the Doodle is going nuts and is on his 9th bag of Doritos and 2nd jar of salsa, we tell him he gets to pick out a DVD and then after he has picked out nineteen DVD's and each time you put one in the machine and start it and he screams his version of NO at you, and you just can't take anymore then you take him outside to play with one of his carts. When he throws a giant fit outside and runs away and doesn't want to come in, we tell him he's going to take a bath. How then do we get him out of the tub since he doesn't want to get out of the tub? Hmmm. I guess I should have thought through a little better because he's still in there. I know, I'll entice him into getting out of the tub with a bag of...Doritos.

The Trade In

Goodbye Pinky, Hello Mr. Blue

Nurse LuLu

Somebody's going to be four years old this weekend!  Grammy and Papa gave the Doodle a shiney new blue car with about 5 inches more leg room than the pink car he's been driving around town.  That pink car has hundreds of miles on it and it was, well, time to retire it and trade it in.  Now, we won't get so many stares (oh who am I kidding?) as when I'm pushing the Doodle around in the pink one.  Half the problem was the color and the other half was how very loud it was.  No, it didn't have an engine, but the wheels were so loud you could barely walk and carry on a casual conversation while pushing it, especially on pavement.  The new blue car has a fancy horn and quiet ride wheels.  So it was a definite upgrade and the Doodle couldn't be happier.

Dr. Julie Griffith Update - More Fraud

Just when you think "Doctor" Julie Griffith might have actually learned something from this whole fiasco with me stopping payment and going to court and my complaining to anyone who will listen about her, she continues to amaze me with  her lack of integrity and level of corruption.  Either she is more conniving then I have given her credit for or she has poor judgement and no business sense. 

I've had 14 people contact me in various ways, all with similar complaints and issues with Dr. Julie Griffith.  Most issues with her have been regarding her hijacking and extorting money from unsuspecting patients during a serious health crisis. There is definitely a theme to all of the comments, stories and emails I've received and that is that they think there is some serious crazy and unethical medical/business practices going on at that office. Her billing practices are beyond reasonable and now I have just one more personal experience with her to prove what a fraud she is.

I've been making Dr. Griffith monthly payments for the one and only consultation we had with her that I had stopped payment on.  I'm paying her $100 a month on the 20th of each month.  My original bill was about $1600 for the one consult with her.  I stopped payment and with good reason.  We went to small claims court and the judge knocked $500 off the total due to her.  So that's what I'm making payments on, the JUDGEMENT + she is tacking on 10% interest. 

One of her patients emailed me and told me according to Marin County tax records, Dr. Griffith was in default on her HOME/office (since she lives in the same place she sees her patients) property taxes and that it was being sold in foreclosure.  Surprise! I could never figure out why this brilliant Neurologist would even bother with collecting a measly $1600 after what she had done to my son.  At $500 per hour, this doctor must be doing pretty well right??? And what doctor who makes $500 per hour would want to waste their valuable time sitting in Small Claims court?  You have to figure their time is worth something.  But when your patients are dropping you like flies and you have nothing better to do, I guess you fight for what little business revenue you can get; even from someone you knowingly wronged and has opening and legitimately disputed it. How many exceptional and reputable neurologists do you know who are broke and chasing $1600?  Sorry.  I digress.

So I get this "statement" from her office the other day in the mail, letting me know she has "moved her practice".  But what was even more curious about the statement was how inaccurate it was. With Dr. Griffith's track record, I highly doubt this was by any kind of innocent mistake or clerical error. 

First of all she is charging me interest for the last year + that we have been in dispute over this payment; when she can only be billing me for the small claims judgement-yet she's going all the way back to April 2009 and trying to tack on interest from there. 

I also love how she has me classified as being in "collection".  Hmmm.  I did exactly what the court judgement told me to do.  I had so many days to contact her and 1.) either pay her in full or 2.) make a payment agreement with her--which I did within the time frame given.  I contacted her to make payment arrangements, she did not contact me as if to collect.  So as long as I keep my agreement and make my $100 payments per month to her, how am I past due or in collection? It's what SHE AGREED TO.

My favorite discrepancy within the statement is how she has my original balance at $2300+ showing a $975 credit memo.  NONE of her numbers even add up.  What the hell is that all about?  Never, ever was that my amount due to her from our one and only consultation.  She's concocted an arbitrary amount that was never charged or billed or authorized or documented to me and now is acting as if she is giving it back to me in the form of a credit memo????  Uhm, excuse me but I'm thinking that has TAX FRAUD written all over it.  Is she trying to write off this pretend balance as a "bad debt" on her taxes perhaps?  Whatever it is she is trying to pull is totally suspect; just like her "practice".  I called her office and tried to speak with the bookkeeper, but there was a definite language barrier there.  She couldn't understand half of what I was saying.  She tried her best to explain to me that even though Dr. Griffith never actually billed me for the $2300 that she did work on our case and so that's what the charge is there for, but rest assured, I don't have to pay it because it's a credit to me like I should be thanking her for that.

Trying my best to keep my composure, because by now I have more than lost my patience with this "practice" and their shenanigans, I questioned her as to why a Doctor, who was fired for negligence and unethical billing practices, would be working on a file trying to drum up more charges?  I surely never authorized any further work.  Was she trying to come up with a new misdiagnosis to give us?  I know it wasn't from ever actually speaking with Dr. Griffith on the phone because she won't come to the phone for less than $375 per hour and I never ever spoke with her on the phone before.  So, what could she have possibly been working on besides her malpractice defense?  I told the bookkeeper I wanted the statement corrected with the real and actual documented amount that I owed on it and not some random amount that Dr. Julie Griffith pulled out of her ass.  Why not just put $10k or $15k down on my statement???  it wouldn't be any less true than her putting down that I owed her $2300.

I calmly wrote Dr. Griffith another Letter and sent it certified so that she can't say it was never received.  How long can this woman, pretending to be a doctor, actually stay in business like this?  I'm stumped.  What's she going to do for money when I'm done paying her for our one "consultation"? 

I also spoke with HIPPA last week and they are going to continue with investigating my complaint of how she illegally obtained Doodle's records 11 1/2 months after we had been seen (once) in her office as if she was our treating physician and provided them with an invalid request for information.

Back in Business!

For one week now, since the Doodle almost broke his arm messing around in his "time out" baby swing and had to retire it, we've been virtually time out free.  That's not to say the Doodle hasn't needed a time out or twenty--But with retiring the swing, we have been at a complete loss as to how to make him take a time out and actually get the full effect of a "time out".  A complete "break" where he can relax and come back to reality from his moments of complete insanity or bad behavior. 

We tried several different "chairs" from around the house.  Big chairs, little chairs, wooden chairs, etc.

But, there were issues with the chairs...1). He could get out of them unless we physically held him in the chair and 2.) He would tip himself over in the chair (and hurt himself again).

Last night I was up at 3:00am catching up on my Real Housewives of New Jersey when it hit me to design my own "time out" chair that he could not weasel his way out of.  A nice, large, comfortable chair where he could be restrained yet I would know he would be safe for his time outs.

Wait. 

Wait. 

Wait for it...

Tah-Dah.

Am I brilliant?  Yes that is ribbon and no it's not just for wrapping anymore.

It's a car seat harness sewed into one of his comfy chairs.

The best part is he actually likes to be strapped in tight; he's got sensory issues just like Temple Grandin. This is My version of a hugging machine. I have something even better in mind for my Phase II time out chair.  It's going to be fancy.

Now don't go getting any ideas about manufacturing this great little concept, because...Patent Pending. 

Wait until the Behaviorist gets a load of this...

Faith

With the way I've been feeling and thinking about my life lately, how appropriate that this was sent to me today in my email from my Dad. 

T h i s   i  s ' F a i t h '

This dog was born on Christmas Eve in the year 2002. He was born with 3 legs - 2 healthy hind legs and 1 abnormal front leg which had to be amputated

He of course could not walk when he was born. Even his mother did not want him.

His first owner also did not think that he could survive and he was thinking of 'putting him to sleep'. But then, his present owner, Jude Stringfellow, met him and wanted to take care of him. She became determined to teach and train this little dog to walk by himself.

She named him 'Faith'.

In the beginning, she put Faith on a surfboard to let him feel the movement. Later she used peanut butter on a spoon as a lure and reward for him for standing up and jumping around. Even the other dog at home encouraged him to walk.

Amazingly, only after 6 months, like a miracle, Faith learned to balance on his hind legs and to jump to move forward. After further training in the snow, he could now walk like a human being.

Faith loves to walk around now. No matter where he goes, he attracts people to him. He is fast becoming famous on the international scene and has appeared on various newspapers and TV shows. There is now a book entitled 'With a Little Faith' being published about him.

He was even considered to appear in one of Harry Potter movies.

His present owner Jude Stringfellow has given up her teaching post and plans to take him around the world to preach that even without a perfect body, one can have a perfect soul'.

In life there are always undesirable things, so in order to feel better you just need to look at life from another direction. I hope this message will bring fresh new ways of thinking to everyone and that everyone will appreciate and be thankful for each beautiful day. Faith is the continual demonstration of the strength and wonder of life.

Thank you Dad for sharing this with me. xo

Bringing it On

I've been wondering about a lot of things lately that have to do with the Doodle-- so much so that I'm thinking about skipping the Behaviorist altogether and going straight to a psychiatrist and having him (and me) evaluated because of his OCD and my feelings about his OCD.  It's really bad. 

I look back a year and think wow, I thought it was bad last year...that was NOTHING compared to now. And, at this rate, what's it going to look like next year?  Or five years from now?

The crazier and more compulsive he gets, the more confused, irritated, stressed and sad I get.  So my latest bout of wondering has been, what if he feeds off of my moods and energy?  Is that even possible?  Why when I'm really stressed or have to get something done or am out in public does he seem to turn the crazy up a notch?  It's like he knows.  Just like when the phone rings and he cries and screams and acts like a lunatic.  He knows what he's doing.  He knows I can't do much about his behavior while I'm on the phone.  He watches me run away from him with my hand covering the receiver and go into a closet or bathroom and shut and lock the door.

The other night I stopped by a friend's to drop something off and I brought the Doodle for a ride.  I pulled into her driveway and didn't even turn the car off.  I was just running to the front door and getting right back in to leave.  He immediately began to scream and freak out, even before I got out of the car--all I had done was put the car in park. 

I got out anyway.  By the time I got back to the car (just a few feet away) he was in full on panic crazy mode--to calm him down, I let him get out of the car but I was praying to myself, please-please-please be good.  Be good.  And of course he wasn't.  He went into full blown off the charts autism mode and the more I wanted him to stop, the more he wouldn't or couldn't.  He was even doing new autistic stuff, things he's never even done before.  It's like he could read my mind or the look on my face.  So I put him back in the car and we left.  I was so disappointed with how he was acting, because he isn't always that bad.  And as soon as we left and got away from my friend (his audience) he was fine.  Happy.  Content.  Then I think, maybe his behavior is his form of manipulation to get exactly what he wants and get all of my attention.  Is he that smart and sophisticated to do that?  Can an autistic child "play" you?

I've noticed, like tonight for example, I came home from working all day.  He was happy to see me, I could tell he missed me.  I brought him a new book and we sat and looked at it and he enjoyed it because I was 100% focused on him.  I wasn't stressed out from witnessing his crazy behavior, I had a lot of patience with him because I had been gone for 8 hours.  His somewhat "normal" behavior made me happy and so I wasn't anxious or tense being with him or wanting desperately for him to stop something and I was calm and he was calm and I was happy and he was happy.  I'm not sure what that was all about and so it began my philosophy that maybe I'm the problem (or part of the problem) and that I bring it on myself.  My constant nervous tension and level of disappointment combined with the projection of how bad things are or are going to get in the future because of all the unknowns is like some sick, twisted self-fulfilling prophecy.

I'm going to tell you a secret.  Seriously.

This is something I've held in and haven't told many people in  my lifetime.  But the one thing that I used to stress about more than anything in the world during my pregnancies was having a handicapped or autistic child.  I never thought I could handle it and I never wanted to try to see if I could.  The first thing I said to the Doctors immediately following both of my births was, "IS HE OK? IS HE OK? "

So, what are the odds that the one thing I feared more than anything happened to me?  About one in 90 actually. 

But, was it a premonition, did I know and subconsciously expect it?  Is the mind that powerful?  Like the movie and book The Secret.  Can you really will something to happen with your mind?  People truly believe that if you have negative thoughts, negative things will happen to you and visa versa--if you have positive thoughts--good things will happen to you.  Just like being able to heal yourself from an illness with the power of positive thinking.Or bringing on sickness with constant worry and negativity. 

So was having my greatest fear of having an autistic child a lesson?  A prophecy?  Fate?  Destiny, an inevitable event no matter what. Was it always out of my control--Was this God's Plan from the day I was born and nothing I could have thought or done would have ever changed this course? 

Or was it random bad luck?  Maybe something toxic I ate or the environment?

But just maybe it was a Gift and I was chosen for this? 

It all depends on how you look at it I guess.  Maybe once I finally learn to accept my reality, the disappointment and heartbreak will go away and I will realize there is nothing I can do to fix this and I will finally be at peace with it.

Makes Me Wonder

I went to the bank the other day and when pulling out of the driveway, I stopped and let a group of guys cross.  There were six or seven men in their twenties and at closer look they were all some form of special needs people except the Leader.  The Leader must have been their caretaker, taking them on a walk or outing of some sort.  The special needs guys all had the same look of oblivion on their faces and didn't seem to have any idea of where they were or what they were doing.  They were walking, just like cattle might, with no mission or sense of purpose; not even really aware of each other let alone their surroundings.  It was sad really; heartbreaking.  They had no idea I was watching them so intently; studying them in fact.  They had no idea why I found them so very interesting.

My mind raced and then I got a lump in my throat.  I felt for a moment I might throw up; tears welled up in my eyes yet I couldn't break the stare.  All I could think about was will this be my son in fifteen years?  Will he be oblivious to his surroundings and going for walks with a caretaker, hopefully not pushing a cart?  Will that caretaker be me?  What will happen to him when I die? Who will love him? Will he have a purpose in life? Will he be productive and have any kind of self esteem or pride? Will he know right from wrong and be able to control his impulses or might he have to be institutionalized in a sterile and cold environment with round the clock care and therapy in order to contain him?  Will he be a violent teenager and adult?  Will he ever speak? Will he be abused if not under my protection? Will there be someone who will be especially kind to him or comfort him when he needs it? Will he be a ward of the State?

But my biggest question, the one that haunts me every single day and night is will he be happy and what, besides Doritos, will make him tick?

Undecided

"If and When were planted, and Nothing grew." ~Proverb

July 25th will be here before I know it and I can't decide on whether to have a birthday party for the Doodle.  He's going to be Four.  For most parties, I get a sitter or have the Nurse take him away--because he gets so crazy and overstimulated and I can't relax or be a hostess.  I need more arms to hold him and legs to chase him and Jimmy still thinks I have eyes in the back of my head which I really don't.  So, I can't really have a birthday party for him and have him not here, that would be wrong on so many levels.

I think, well, I should just keep it small, immediate family and close friends--people that understand and get it and expect it and don't sit there with mouth dropped open to their chest when they see or experience his behavior; because if you aren't used to it or ready for it, it's a lot to take in.

Then I think, who am I really doing it for?  And why?  Is is out of guilt?  Or just obligatory? It's not like the Doodle will know if he doesn't get a birthday party.  As long as he gets a cupcake and to blow out birthday candles for a couple of hours and gets that birthday song sung to him over and over, he will be happy; until we distract him with Doritos and have to hide the candles. 

But I do want to celebrate his birth and his little life; as hard as it was (and is).  Maybe he's a miracle, and what's not celebrate about that?

Jimmy of course wants to have a Big Giant invite everyone party--

So I need to decide.

Mommy Rapsody

Mommy Rhapsody from Church on the Move on Vimeo.

To See Him Smile

Jimmy loves his little brother.  I love it when they ham it up and the Doodle plays and interacts with him so effortlessly.

We had a little scare at the emergency room on Sunday morning.  Seems the it might be time for the Time Out swing to go away.  He's obviously way too big for it and we're not using it for it's intended purpose.  He weighs 45+ pounds and the swing is meant for a child up to 20 lbs or so.  He's been getting braver and braver and sometimes has no fear or idea of consequences and I think he's bored too.  So he was playing around and standing in the swing the other night, holding onto the metal sides and some how flipped it over and fell down.  I heard a crash and went running in there and the swing was on top of him and he was screaming and crying, a hurt kind of cry.  I know he had to be standing in it or doing something because numerous times I have seen him and stopped him before something like this happened.  You'd think I might have taken that as a sign to get rid of it, but it's honestly my only sanity around here.  How do you punish a 3 year old autistic kid who has no concept of the term NO other than he doesn't like to hear it.  Trying to do the right thing and nip some of the bad behavior with a time out is my only saving Grace.  And it settles him.  But to not be able to strap him into something, doesn't work.  I can't sit there and hold him down and I certainly can't tie him up, although the thought has crossed my mind (just kidding).

So he fell out of the swing and either severely sprained or dislocated his right shoulder. He woke up Sunday morning and was screaming and holding it and couldn't move his right arm.  It doesn't help that he can't talk so trying to figure out exactly where it hurt was a challenge.  I felt so bad, because after he fell, I made him get into bed and he wouldn't go to sleep (like usual) and he was crying and kicking and I was getting so irritated and frustrated.  I had no idea he had really hurt himself.  That kid is pretty tough. 

So to be sure nothing was broken, I took him to the emergency room.  They x-rayed it and found nothing.  The bonus of how double jointed he is, is that if he did dislocate it on the fall, somehow he popped back in...or he maybe he sprained it.

He's doing better now.  He still has a hard time if he has to reach for something or put pressure on it, but it should heal on it's own.

Another Time Out

The Doodle is not the only one getting time outs around here.

Coco is one bad kitty.

Maybe...

Maybe the Doodle can't talk, because he's too busy reading fine literature and keeping up with the latest celebrity gossip. What's even more amazing? He didn't rip it to shreds.

2 More Days

Just two more days of Pre-school Summer School left. Then I will have two kids home all day to bring chaos to my mornings. The good news is Jimmy sleeps in until 11:00. The Doodle is going to miss his routine and I hope he doesn't get too out of sync about it.

At home, we don't have a lot of routine--it's more free play, destroy time and mind games for control while OCDing. Lately his OCD focus has been on Cool Ranch Doritos and Salsa. We put a lock on the pantry and tie the refrigerator closed with a highly technical security lock that resembles a purple satin ribbon. Too bad he couldn't be compulsive about fruit or drinking water; something a little healthier for him.

One thing I can be sure of, there will be plenty of time for TIME OUTS.

School starts again on August 16th. He'll be going to a new school, new class, with a new teacher, new bus driver, new bus, new Shape Aid and new hours. That's a lot of new for a child with severe transition issues. With fingers crossed, I will hope for the best.

Lloyd Christmas

One of my favorite stupid movies is Dumb and Dumber with Jim Carey; so imagine my surprise when our Nurse came over today and commented on the Doodle's botched hair cut. She referred to him as Lloyd Christmas...I looked at him and instantly saw the resemblance. Then I laughed a nervous little laugh. She was right.

 

Jim thinks I'm trying to make the special kid look even more special, but honestly, he hates to get his hair cut and he won't sit still and this is what you get. I didn't make him look like Lloyd Christmas on purpose. Taking him to a professional is not an option. He would freak out. I'm thinking of investing in one of these:

The enterprising me would like to invent something similar to this but that has a stealth/silent mode for autistic kids so that they don't freak out. Frankly, I hate getting near his little head with a sharp pair of scissors.

PeePee in the Potty!

Finally. After hundreds of attempts to get the Doodle to pee in the potty--after 3 different types of potty seats, and hours of sitting there singing songs and reading books and nothing happening, I was convinced he would never get it. We've tried it both ways, sitting and standing. Last year he wouldn't even sit on the potty with his clothes on. He would scream and hold his knees to his chest. He was seriously afraid of it. We gradually got him used to it and finally he got it. He can go pee-pee on the potty now. He can make himself pee and he gets so excited to watch the pee come out. He's gone pee-pee on the potty 4 times today; although he's still going in his diaper too. Baby steps.

What a Display

And I'm not just talking about the fireworks.

We did it. We gave it our best shot but it's more of a production, or should I say spectacle, just getting the kids in the car and driving to the fireworks display, then the actual display itself. Roads were closed and patience was not a virtue. There was hardly anywhere to park, we couldn't meet my cousin and her family because we were so late and the streets were so packed with cars, so we parked down a private lane in Windsor and attempted to watch the fireworks from there.

You never know with the Doodle; sometimes he'll surprise us and bust out a normal card and play it. Tonight was not one of his better nights. He watched them and seemed half way interested but I think they might have scared him or even been too loud. He wanted to leave and after 5 minutes he was doing the sign for "all done". He thinks when he wants something he has to give us a kiss, so he kept on kissing Jim until we could leave. Part of the problem is that he loves to go for rides in the Jeep Wrangler--he got a little irritated when we stopped the car to get out.

Jimmy was a little bummed. He wanted to hang out with his cousins; maybe next year right?