Undecided

"If and When were planted, and Nothing grew." ~Proverb

July 25th will be here before I know it and I can't decide on whether to have a birthday party for the Doodle.  He's going to be Four.  For most parties, I get a sitter or have the Nurse take him away--because he gets so crazy and overstimulated and I can't relax or be a hostess.  I need more arms to hold him and legs to chase him and Jimmy still thinks I have eyes in the back of my head which I really don't.  So, I can't really have a birthday party for him and have him not here, that would be wrong on so many levels.

I think, well, I should just keep it small, immediate family and close friends--people that understand and get it and expect it and don't sit there with mouth dropped open to their chest when they see or experience his behavior; because if you aren't used to it or ready for it, it's a lot to take in.

Then I think, who am I really doing it for?  And why?  Is is out of guilt?  Or just obligatory? It's not like the Doodle will know if he doesn't get a birthday party.  As long as he gets a cupcake and to blow out birthday candles for a couple of hours and gets that birthday song sung to him over and over, he will be happy; until we distract him with Doritos and have to hide the candles. 

But I do want to celebrate his birth and his little life; as hard as it was (and is).  Maybe he's a miracle, and what's not celebrate about that?

Jimmy of course wants to have a Big Giant invite everyone party--

So I need to decide.