Yes, I appealed it and we have a new court date of Friday, March 19th.
The passive side of me wanted to just pay the horrible Dr. Julie Griffith of San Rafael, California and cut my losses...even knowing what her bad judgement, incorrect diagnosis, irresponsible prescribing of medication and lack of ethics has done to the Doodle. Then I thought what kind of parent would I be to just roll over and play dead after everything she has done. And when I think about how this so called "Doctor" refused to come to the phone without a credit card to discuss the prescriptions and adverse reactions they were causing my 2 year old, I get furious and disgusted.
There's a pretty good chance we won't win the appeal, considering the first ruling didn't go our way. My argument remains, I agreed to a one hour $500 consultation. The doctor or and her staff were aware of this. I was there for 3 hours. I paid this fraud of a doctor at the time of the appointment because at that time she had told me so much information and had diagnosed the Doodle after all of the other doctors couldn't understand why the seizures started. She completely wasted my time and purposely mislead us with incorrect information and blatantly misdiagnosed him with Dandy Walker and mitochondrial disease. On the day of the appointment, when I thought this was going to be our new doctor, I bit the bullet and paid her $1687. It wasn't until the next week when we found out she had misdiagnosed him with everything and when we found out she over-prescribed him medication and wouldn't talk to us unless we paid her more money that I decided to stop the payment on the credit card.
I should have sued her first. How about for all of the additional expenses and real doctor bills we incurred that stemmed from our one consultation with this woman? Not to mention time off work, stress, pain, suffering and the obvious malpractice which is still effecting the Doodle every single day since we first gave him the two additional anti-seizure drugs Dr. Griffith prescribed: Lamictal and Zonisimide.
So you have to ask yourself and I hope the judge takes a moment to ponder what this $1687 means to this Doctor considering all of the harm she has caused to one family. Would a legitimate, successful Doctor not just walk away and be done with it? Is Dr. Griffith that hard up for money because her reputation is finally catching up with her? I'd say it proves that money is more important to this woman than the well-being of a child.
I never just stopped the payment for no good reason or because I had a change of heart. It took some pretty irresponsible and unethical practices on the doctor's part for me to stop the payment. I have never, ever disputed a doctor's bill before or been to small claims court so you must know I am pretty passionate and truly believe in this from the bottom of my heart.
The fact remains, I was there for 3 hours. So, if that is all the judge considers then I will lose even though this doctor used "scare" tactics to secure subsequent follow up appointments from us because of all of her new "findings".
But it doesn't even matter if I lose because another day in court gives me one more opportunity to tell our story to a crowded courtroom and explain how this woman preys on the misfortune of special needs children and their desperate for answers families.
Mr. Independent
No more high chair!
Completely feeds himself now.
Tomatoes, chips and guacamole.
That's a meal right?
Went to Baja Fresh tonight for take out, or bring home I should say.
It's one of my favorite places to eat.
I love the shrimp tacos baja style...
And I love their salsa bar.
It's not really fast food either, it's good food quickly.
Big difference.
Speaking of food and diets...
Mine is still going.
6 pounds down. 40 pounds to go.
Now I just need to excercise.
Ick.
Chasing Jammies
Everything you wanted to know but were afraid to ask just in case you find yourself babysitting the Doodle:
You might say the Doodle is very particular about things. Besides wanting everything his way, he has certain and specific things he likes to do and wear and feel.
He has a lot of sensory issues. He likes deep pressure and likes to be massaged; don't we all?
He loves to wear cotton jammie pants. They're his clothing of choice and he especially loves to have his knees rubbed when he's wearing his jammie pants. He doesn't like to have his knees rubbed if he is bare skinned or in shorts...just jammies.
If you're ever feeling brave and wander over for a visit, you'll more than likely witness the Doodle put his hand in my shirt. No, he's not feeling me up. He loves to have his hand rubbed through the fabric of my shirt; or your shirt because he's not in any way picky about the shirt or person wearing the shirt, it's all about rubbing his hand.
And if you're feeling extra ambitious and you're rubbing his hand that's down your shirt, you'll get extra points if you rub his knee with your OTHER hand.
Be sure to lock the pantry and bathroom doors. You don't even want to know...that's another blog post.
He likes his Very Vanilla Soy Silk milk somewhere between scalding and really hot. Don't worry, if it's not warm enough and to his liking he will send it back to the kitchen.
Being autistic, there isn't a lot of things you can give to a Doodle to reward him. He doesn't much like toys so to bribe him with a toy or threaten to take a toy away doesn't work. He doesn't get it. He's never had candy so that's not going to work. Things he's most passionate about right now are Doritos, dvds, the channel changer and hugs. But they have to be hugs like you mean it, no wimpy hugs. Don't be shy, give him a big squeeze.
Oh and be sure to wear your Keds. He loves to be chased and if he's wearing his cotton jammies and being chased, even better. He'll be your friend for life.
The Doodle can clear a room...He's a pretty regular little guy and isn't bashful about doing his business. If you happen to see him get quiet and he's not obsessing about something, pretty good chance he's pooping. You'll know by the fresh aroma waifing through the air. We throw the poopy pants on the porch. Yes, the porch. It keeps the ware wolves away.
A little tip when changing his pants. He knows how to make himself pee so you'll want to be really quick about getting a diaper on him right away...he thinks it's funny and likes to watch the pee come out. No, he has no interest in using the toilet. He hates it. Screams and won't go. But, if you're feeling like the Doodle Whisperer and want to take a crack at potty training him while you're here, be my guest.
I hope you like Yo Gabba Gabba and Dora the Explorer, just don't plan on getting much sleep.
Sunshine
We had a nice break in the weather here today. The sun came out and makes me long for springtime. It's so pretty in the spring when everything is in bloom. I do love this time of year though because the mustard fields are so beautiful; especially when they are growing in between the bare grape vines in the valley.
We talk about moving out of the state sometimes to somewhere cheaper and slower with more to do and less traffic. But, we love it here and while it's fun to imagine living somewhere new, I think I would miss this place. I was born and raised here and the weather is really nice in Sonoma County.
I think I get the itch to move sometimes because I feel so sheltered here. I've never traveled much or seen much of the United States and I can't help but wonder what's out there or what it might be like starting over in a completely new place. Then reality sets in and I think about Jimmy and how much he loves it here and the great autism services we are getting for the Doodle. Maybe if we just took more trips I could get it out of my system, I'm not getting any younger...but it's not practical to think we could travel with the Doodle. Here's just one reminder of why...
I took him to Home Depot today and wanted to throw myself off a bridge. We pulled up to Home Depot and I remembered how they had the great little orange race car carts for kids with the steering wheel. I thought to myself, "Self, this is a great idea". The Doodle was so excited to see it, he ran as fast as he could to get into it. It was great but I had a return and part of the deal is you can't stop the fun with him. As soon as I stopped the cart it was freak out melt down tongue out screaming. Not your mild-oh-I-want-my-way-cry like they might be used to but a five alarm screaming tantrum to where Home Depot employees were now approaching me asking if everything was ok or if there was anything they can do. So we had to leave and as I drove home almost in tears I passed by some really beautiful mustard fields and vines.
We Figured It Out
This little mutt is a Schipperke mix...
Their small, pointed ears are erect atop the head. Schipperkes are double coated with a soft, fluffy undercoat that is covered by a harsher-feeling and longer outer coat. One of the breed characteristics is a long ruff that surrounds the neck and then a strip trails down towards the rear of the dog. They also have longer coat on their hind legs called culottes.
Dogs of this breed usually weigh between 3 and 9 kg (7 to 20 lb). In countries that have bans on docking, Schipperkes display their natural tails which curve over the back of the dog (if the dog is happy and the tail is long enough).
It has been suggested that the idea of "little sailor" was an invention of the English, who mistook the Schipperke for a Dutch barge dog. With Belgium too often being mistaken for Holland which is in the Netherlands, not Belgium, some reports say they were found frequently as working dogs aboard barges in the canals, with three jobs onboard: security (barking vigorously when anyone approached the barge), keeping the barges free of vermin, and nipping at the towing horses' heels to get them moving to tow the barge. Due to their bravery and adventurous character, not to mention low center of gravity, Schipperkes are to this day known as excellent boat dogs, and are often found cruising the world aboard sailing yachts and powerboats. They are not prone to seasickness.
Known for a stubborn, mischievous and headstrong temperament, the Schipperke is sometimes referred to as the "little black fox", the "Tasmanian black devil", or the "little black devil." They are naturally curious and high-energy dogs, and require ample exercise and supervision. Schipperkes are very smart and independent, and sometimes debate listening to owners, instead choosing to do whatever benefits them the most. First-time dog owners would be well-advised to familiarize themselves with the breed prior to purchase. Schipperkes require training and a secure, fenced-in space to run.
Great. Just what we need...another Tasmanian Devil. Let's see. Today alone, he has pooped in the house, escaped outside and ran across the creek to pester the neighbor's dogs twice. For some strange reason he does not like to go potty outside. What kind of life did this little dog have before us? He is spoiled rotten with people food wants to sit in your lap and jump on the furniture but can't figure out he needs to go potty outside. Now I am going to be potty training two little devils.
Oh Sure. Any Minute Now.
It seems, everyone I happen to run into are all very sweet to ask me how the Doodle is doing.
"He's doing great", I excitedly reply. Then almost on cue, I get the following question...
"Is he talking yet?"
"Uhm, no", I have to say.
Then I get the look. It's a look somewhere between a bolt of shock and deep pity but never hard at all to read.
Am I sensitive to this? Yes. Why? Because the Doodle is going to be turning 4 and is not talking or anywhere really close and this is really worrisome because I have to face reality that he may never, ever speak.
It's hard because he knows so much but cannot verbalize any of it and it breaks my heart. Not just for me...because this isn't about me. But for him and what that would mean for his Life. It's going to be hard enough with his challenges of epilepsy and autism...not being able to speak is going to be one more Giant burden for this little man.
I need to embrace the fact that I have a very handicapped little boy. Hiding my head in the sand isn't going to do anyone any favors.
Then, after the uncomfortable silence and if they aren't brain dead they can sense my disappointment and frustration. That's when they assure me that any day now we are going to see a HUGE explosion of language and communication. And then they proceed to tell me that a friend of a friend's brother's nephew's cousin once removed didn't talk until he was 6 which is supposed to make me feel better or give me some kind of hope.
They keep talking, in a nervous almost uncontrollable chatter...They'll quip, "Oh, he will. He'll talk. Any day now. He's just a late talker."
Hmph. Really? Because I would love it if he was just a "late talker" and that's all this was.
So, that's when I smile politely and change the subject to the unbelievable price of gasoline.
Change of Plans
No 3 day overnight video eeg trip to UCSF today. I spoke with the Doctor on Thursday and we decided to push it off a while until it's more urgent and necessary. We were going to try and distinguish what the startle, shriek out episodes he has when he sleeps are.
As much as I'd love to know what they are, I'm not comfortable with the harsh industrial strength glue they will be putting on to his scalp for 3 days. Last time they did it, he had a bad reaction to the glue at Stanford. He had burn marks and welts and they take this glue off with pure 100% Acetone!
No!
I had to cut it out of his hair in spots so if this video eeg is not absolutely critical, I'm not going to put my little autistic child through that. It would be 3 days of pure hell for him. It's hard enough for a child to be in the hospital, out of his element but when you factor in his autism and being scared and uncomfortable with all the wires hooked to his head, it makes it that much worse.
They can use a water soluble, gentler glue if they WANT to. Sure it might not stick as well; but they need to be more flexible and accommodate the needs of each individual child.
So the doctor thought, as did I, we should wait and see what happens...see if they get worse. It was a relief even though I would love to know what happens to him when he goes to sleep. And, sometimes, you have to do what is best for your child. I hope I made the right decision.
He's much happier being home in his comfort zone. Just look at him.
Doodle's New Sign
This is the Doodle's new sign for "thank you" not to be confused with the Italian sign for F#$& YOU.
And no, that is not a 1970's brown leisure suit. But can you dig the progress? I can dig it.
You Say Tomato, I say Tomahto.
The Doodle's favorite food lately is tomatoes. He loves them and better yet, he loves to feed himself tomatoes. I love it because I can cut them up really small and it keeps him busy for a few minutes; unless he stuffs them all into his mouth at one time and chokes and then I feel like a bad mom. But, that's another blog.
To you, tomatoes might seem like such a small thing but for a Doodle Bug it's big because he doesn't eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. Usually only applesauce if I'm lucky. Lately he's been gagging on peaches. So, as a mom I worry that he's going to get scurvy from an all carb diet with no fresh produce.
Then the crazy, paranoid side of me kicks in and only wants him to eat organic tomatoes. Jim was reading this book by Kevin Touhey and has me scared of pesticides, hormones and pretty much anything you might buy at the grocery store.
I guess I could make myself crazy trying to eliminate anything that might be potentially harmful. We wouldn't be sleeping on a chemical filled mattress emitting toxic gasses while we sleep...or use an antiperspirant or perfume or air freshener.
We'd be living in a toxin-free padded room built out of bamboo with a high functioning HEPA filter running on solar power eating organic soy beans and drinking water only from glass bottles. Except, I just heard that it was revealed that chemicals in soy could increase the risk of breast cancer in women, brain damage in both men and women, and abnormalities in infants. Guess what the only form of liquid the Doodle will drink? Right. Silk Milk "Very Vanilla" Soy.
And then there's the reports that toxins in carpet and glue kill rats, cause brain damage and seizures.
Let's not forget the toxic BPA and PVC in plastic bottles, including baby bottles and sippy cups and the drinking water bottles I buy in huge quantities that cause cancer and kill brain cells. Yes, I did just throw away all of my Tupperware.
And there's the theory that Teflon and aluminum causes Alzheimer's.
My personal favorite, the debate over the vaccinations in children.The U.S. vaccine schedule has grown from 10 vaccines given to our children in the 1980s to 36 today, perfectly matching the dramatic rise in autism. Is this all just pure coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not. Who the hell really knows.
Then there is the thought that food allergies, red dye reactions and yeast are also contributing factors to autism, ADHD and bad behavior.
There's the argument about cell phones and Wifi and emissions of electromagnetic radiation from electronic equipment in the home and workplace...
And an assumption that jet fuel from planes flying high above us are leaking JP-4 and JP-8 fuel chemical compounds into our atmosphere and environment making us ill.
I could go on and on.
There's so much information out there to decipher with no known facts, depending on which article you read or which channel you watch which is usually driven by a large pharmaceutical or mass-market conglomerates and media funding totally equal to a he-said-she-said politically driven crap shoot. Who can you really trust?
The only true information I can count on is from talking with other parent's who live with a child with autism. People who have lived, breathed and cried over it because it is their LIFE and their reality every single day...people like me.
Hmph.
The Weight Game
Or in my case, I should say "weight gain". Growing up and even into my twenties I never had a weight problem. I could eat massive amounts of food, donuts for breakfast, fast food to my heart's content, soda and candy and not even exercise. I never gained weight. I always thought I was just blessed with my father's genes.
Then two monumental things happened in my life in my early thirties that completely changed the shape of my body. 1.) I became addicted to coffee. 2.) I had a baby.
It's hard to know which of the two is to blame so I'll go ahead and blame Starbucks; it's easier for me when I have something to blame. I drank a little coffee here and there but never much liked the taste unless I drowned it in creamer and added a ton of sugar. Then Starbucks had to go and come up with happiness in a cup: a vanilla latte and suddenly I was hooked. It was like drinking a dessert, so rich and creamy and delicious. And on cold days it became a way to feel warm and on hot days, well they made cold Frappucinos which was a like a coffee slurpee to cool down and pretty soon I was drinking some type of Starbucks beverage every single morning to wake up. Soon I was addicted and it didn't help that they had a great selection of baked goods which everyone knows goes great with coffee.
The older my first son Jimmy got, the more coffee I was drinking and it wasn't just coffee, it was Venti Carmel Machiottos and Mochas with whipped cream. Fat free at this juncture of my life was unheard of and I never bothered to change the rest of my diet either.
So by the time Jimmy was two years old, I had put on an extra 20 pounds of padding. And I had a store downtown with a, you guessed it, Starbucks conveniently located across the street. And if for some reason I couldn't make it into a Starbucks, that was OK because I could get my fix at any convenience store or gas station with one (or four) of those high calorie cold Frappucinos in a bottle. Life was grand.
As the weight came on, I tried things like Weight Watchers. But I couldn't stick with it because after four Frappucinos I'd be out of points by noon.
I was seriously convinced I had a medical issue. I thought maybe it was a tumor or thyroid problem so I went to the Doctor and had a battery of tests done. Luckily everything came out normal and the doctor turned to me and told me how my hormones and body was changing because of age and child birth and that I should just get used to it. My metabolism had suddenly, after 30+ years, changed.
Eleven years later and I'm still struggling with my weight. It's time now to get serious and get off the Starbucks. I need to take better care of myself, eat better and not so much and most importantly...exercise!
I'm on day two of my diet and besides all the chocolate and jelly beans tonight at Bunco, I did great. I'm not going to get too crazy but I am going to cut out my triple Venti Cinnamon Dolce Lattes and see what happens. Baby steps.
The Simple Things
This is what makes me happy.
A Boy and His (Almost) Dog
Decisions. Decisions.
I've been thinking, maybe when they told us this dog was house trained, they meant he would only go potty in the house.
Keeping Him Awake
The new thing is keeping the Doodle Bug awake for as long as possible at night. No more of this 8:00 or 9:00 pm bedtime...
and no more late afternoon naps.
It is our mission to wake him up and keep him going like the energizer bunny until at least 10:00 or 11:00. If we don't, and he happens to fall asleep for one of his power naps then we're in for a world of hurt around the witching hour.
The Doodle has never been a good sleeper. Ever. I can honestly say since he has been born I have not had a good night's sleep. Not the kind of deep REM sleep where you wake up and forget where you are. I feel like I'm sleeping with one eye open; whether it be the fear of him having a seizure or falling out of bed or peeing the bed and having to get up in the middle of the night, sleep does not come easy around here. And, sleeping in is also not an option. Even if the Doodle is sleeping in the morning, we have to wake him up to give him his anti-seizure medication by a certain time. Anti-seizure medicine is something you need to really regulate as far as being consistent.
If that's not bad enough, he's a really light sleeper too. He wakes up with the sound of a cough or a subtle creak of the bed. If the phone rings or the alarm on a door chimes, forget about it...we have to start the whole going to sleep process over and pray for a miracle.
One way I used to be able to relax and unwind after a busy day of working and being a mom would be to watch one of my grown up shows after the kids went to sleep...the Doodle, now a control freak of sorts, only tolerates certain shows on the television. His shows. So I'm only getting to watch things like Yo Gabba Gabba, Dora the Explorer and the Upside Down Show at night. No more watching things like American Idol, Grey's Anatomy, The Good Wife, Celebrity Rehab and all of my favorite trash t.v.
Oh the sacrifices we make as parents...
Happy Valentine's Day to Me
Nothing says "Happy Valentines Day, I love you" quite like a going to a couple of garage sales and hitting the thrift shops. 15 years and two kids later, sometimes it's just nice to get out of the house without a screaming child or a husband tapping his foot because you're taking too long in a shop.
Jim had big plans to go riding today but then got to yapping on the phone with a friend, and that boy can talk...so it got later and later and then Motocross came on t.v. and it was too hard to break away. And, since Valentine's Day is overrated in my book and being the ever-so-independent gal I am, I didn't let that stop me from junking and thrifting and buying crap I really didn't need.
Jim came through in the 11th hour and I did get a really funny Valentine's Day card and some chocolate; and I mean a REAL Valentine's Day card, not a Happy Hanukah card with the Haunukah scratched out and Valentine's Day writtten in there.
The Doodle was a little accident prone today. After he rolled off the trunk at the foot of our bed and smacked his head he poured hot gravy all over himself. Thank God it didn't blister. Yet.
Doodle Bug Update
How's the Doodle? I'm so glad you asked...
The best way to describe him might be...BUSY. He's very busy doing things, pushing things, throwing things, taking things out of the refrigerator and putting things in the microwave.
He's getting bigger and bigger and for some reason has a serious obsession with oatmeal these days which I guess is better than his old obsession of chips. Oh and he loves tomatoes.
He still has his OCD, which is getting worse and worse. Jim compares it to a garden hose with a bunch of holes. You fix one hole and then water sprouts somewhere else. Well, the Doodle goes from one obsession to the next. One day it's the stereo, one day it's DVD's the next day it's the microwave and then it's the pantry.
For Jim's birthday my mom got him a cake. Remember? Doodle Bug loves birthday cake but not to eat, only for the song and to blow out the candles. Well. I bought him his very own wooden cake with wooden candles and we played with that for a while but when it came time for real cake he went a little crazy. I thought we might be able to fake him out with the wooden candles so that we didn't have to go through the process of lighting real candles. I told Jim he was going to have to blow out the wooden candle...the Doodle would have nothing to do with the wooden candle blowing. He wanted and insisted on real candles. He had a stage 5 melt down so of course I had to get out the real candles, light them and sing the birthday song. Over and over and over and over. We finally had to hide the cake and give him a time out.
We spend most of our days hiding things from him and fixing things so that he can't OCD on them. We had to put a lock on the pantry, duck tape the microwave closed and literally nail the stereo cabinet shut. He gets a little irritated with us at first but quickly moves onto his next obsession.
We finally have our next video EEG appointment at UCSF scheduled for February 22nd. Straight from one torturous field trip with one kid...to the next. We aren't sure how many nights we will have to stay, it all depends on the seizure activity of the Doodle. I'm having some issues with the toxic eeg glue they are going to use on his little head. The glue that he had a bad reaction to last time. The glue that gave me a migraine headache. The glue that acetone would not take off of his hair. Well, that eeg glue is not the only glue around. They have other less toxic water based glue which we have actually used when at Memorial Hospital for some eegs. So I told the EEG Technician that I want the gentler, milder, less toxic water based glue gel used on him and that I was willing to go to Memorial Hospital and buy it with my own money and bring it with us so that he doesn't have to endure the bad glue. God bless it if I'm not getting push back on this. Apparently, the other glue is stickier (for obvious chemical compound reasons) and they like it better when they are doing an overnight eeg. The doctor left me a message that it might not be worth doing this if they can't use the stronger glue. Well, it's not life or death here and frankly, I don't think it's worth it to do the damn eeg with the toxic glue and acetone. So there.
Seizure update...he's still only having the jerking wake up scream out seizures while he sleeps...several a night. However, these seizures are much much much better than the grand mal or the head drop seizures we were so very used to for all those months. These are fast and over in a matter of seconds vs. the aforementioned with their horrible aftermath.
The Doodle still has zero interest in the new unadopted by us yet dog. I have to prompt him with oatmeal in order for him to even pet him. Even when he pets him, he doesn't look at him. It's strange, he can't look him in the eye.The dog is completely invisible to the Doodle.
How is he with the cat you ask? A little better. With the cat he will sometimes initiate contact. And I can say give the kitty a kiss and he will do it. The cat on the other hand, well, she has zero interest in the Doodle.
The last week or so the Doodle has slept much better....no crazy 2-3 hour episodes of irritable insomnia where we have to physically hold him down. The trick? We keep him up until 10 or 11 pm and then turn off the lights and the tv so that if he does wake up, he doesn't think it's cartoon time in the morning.
The Doodle is sick again. I don't know if it is the same freaking cold and he keeps getting it or if it's an entirely new strain of virus. All I know is that he has been sick most of the winter. Since Christmas Day he has had maybe three healthy days and that's it. His nurse swears he's getting it from the germ breeding ground we like to call a preschool. Being in the medically fragile class room, the kids in there all have weaker immune systems and are always sick. It's a vicious cycle and since I'm quickly turning into a crazy germiphobe, part of me wants to take him out of the school environment all together. It's not worth him being sick all of the time.
Behaviorally speaking the Doodle still has his moments but has been a little better with his fits. I do my best to be consistent with his time outs...if he acts up, he goes in the swing; if he starts to ocd and freak out, he goes in the swing; any throwing of any kind, he goes in the swing. Let's just say, he spends a lot of time in the swing and is completely aware of it's purpose.
He seems more independent to me lately. He has an easier time doing things for himself and keeping himself busy. When Grammy and Papa are home he spends a lot of time getting into stuff over there so maybe it's a false positive...I just don't see him acting up as much because he's not HOME doing it.
The Doodle is still not speaking, although he's got a really cute response that sounds a lot like Yes. If I had to spell it would look like this: ethsethsszzssddtsssss. He now says that word and hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii and heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Sometimes it sounds like he says more or mom but that's a stretch. Papa swears he said Verde the other day while watching Dora. You never know, stranger things have happened around here.
Jesse's Home
Big day today. Jesse came home all neutered and vaccinated and rabies free. He was so happy to see us, I couldn't help but feel bad for him after all, getting his nuts removed. It must have been traumatic. The theory that he would stop lifting his leg every five seconds went out the door when the Vet handed me Jesse on his leash and he immediately walked over to the couch in the waiting room and peed on it.
Hopefully he's trainable. We still don't know how old he really is. He could be 1 or 2 or 10. The vet didn't know.
He's pretty mellow and calm; the opposite of a puppy. Who the heck knows. I'm hoping the old saying isn't actually true, you can't teach an old dog new tricks...
My Valentine
You are my favorite
Doodle Bug
And I want you to know,
I will always love you,
And I want you to know,
I will always love you,
my special boy,
No matter
No matter
how big you grow!
Sleep Deprevation
My one night every 3 years away from the bad sleeping Doodle Bug and it was at a freezing cold school field trip at the Petaluma Adobe Mission State Park with Jimmy and his fourth grade class.
Not exactly my idea of R&R. Not when you consider that the purpose of this field trip was to demonstrate how hard they used to work in the 1840's in the real Adobe Rancho owned by General Vallejo. We were put to work.
So we arrived in the morning yesterday and worked our tails off all day and into the night. Not a lot of time for breaks and chit chat when each parent has been assigned serious jobs to tend to and the kids are busy working too. I was in charge of the candle station. Where the kids had to come and make candles from scratch by dipping the wicks over and over into 400 degree hot wax. It was my job to make sure no one wound up in the emergency room. Happy to report, no one did.
Other craft and work stations were: wool making, basket weaving, leather working, and word working. Kids were divided into groups and had to do learn each skill before they could move on to the next. Then they journaled about it in handmade journals.
Even during the downtime we were not supposed to be talking and chatting. We had to look and stay busy or the Ranger would reprimand us. Yes. Us. The adults. The rangers also walked around and made sure that we were doing the various crafts precisely as they were illustrated. My candle making station was anarchy and I learned quickly how many infractions I had made during the first group.
Talking and texting on cell phones was strictly prohibited. If a ranger saw you, she could take it away; even from the parents...
It was Jim's birthday yesterday and he was off work due to the rain, so he came up for a few hours to hang out and visit and see what we were doing. He wasn't going to spend the night because we hadn't prepared for that. So he came later and didn't really get assigned a job so he hung out with me and one of the other dad's at the candle making station. Well, anyone who knows Jim, knows what a gabbigale he is. He likes to talk and soon he and the other dad were talking away until the ranger came by and scolded them for talking. The next thing we knew, the teacher came over and pretty much kicked Jim out of the park.
I wanted to cry. I felt so bad for Jim, being his birthday and all. I really wanted to have some words with the mean ranger lady but honestly, she scared me and she was packing.
So Jim left and I stayed and froze my butt off. It got down to 35 degrees last night. No heat, no electricity (couple of spot lights), we had to get up in shifts and do night watch and basically, I couldn't sleep all night long. Not one wink. Jim turns the heat off at night, so between having no heat and listening to the dad's all snore in unison, I should have felt right at home. All I kept thinking was that there was a Sheraton just 1.4 miles away and I packed some Tylenol PM...as much as the Doodle keeps me awake, I still get some decent periods of sleep through the night. Last night? NONE. Zip. Nadda. Nothing.
Did I mention that the only bathroom was about 1/4 mile down a hill in the pitch black--blackness with skunks and fox and raccoon. Did I mention I have a weak bladder?
This one night, while it was a truly great and memorable experience for the kids, was like Chinese War Camp Torture for me. Even worse was how I couldn't sleep at all. When I got up this morning it felt like I partied like it was 1999.
We got up this morning. Early. But that didn't matter because I wasn't sleeping anyway. We made breakfast and did the dishes, cleaned up and had to put the Rancho back together in the exact, precise order in which we found it. A ranger inspect everything before we could leave to get into our warm cars and head home to the modern world we live in and take for granted.
In the night, we had a special story teller/historian come in full Vaquero costume and entertain us with stories of the way of early Spanish rule in California. We all learned a valuable lesson about how hard it must have been to live back then and what the settlers went through. It's truly amazing how far we've come. And, most importantly, Jimmy had fun. It will be something he remembers for the rest of his life.
Next year, the 5th grade class is supposed to go to another overnight field trip to Angel Island in the San Francisco Bay...talk about COLD. I told Jim that one would be his turn.
Still Here
We still have the little black foster dog, Jesse, and he's making himself quite at home. He is defiitely a love bug. He would sit in your lap all day and night if you let him. He loves to go outside but we can't let him off his leash for very long or he takes off across the creek to the neighbors to bother their dogs. He's a four legged contradiction. He hates to go outside in the rain and get his his feet wet but he will swim through a flowing creek in order to make a new doggie friend. He is really submissive and shy which I thought might have meant that he might have been abused but he is so friendly and happy and good with people that I don't know what to think. He is really well trained when walking with you and comes when called (for the most part) but still poops and pees in the house. He's super picky and only wants people food. He is completely great around the cat and leaves her alone yet chases birds. He goes from depressed and sad to happy in seconds.
He's been a little under the weather. He hasn't had much of an appetite and he threw up today. He's also had kennel cough and some pooping issues.
The Rescue people swore he was housebroken. He has to be on a leash while in the house or he lifts his leg on anything and he's pooped inside twice. Ick. He has an appointment this week to get fixed so I am hoping that will take care of the lifting his leg thing. I thought only cats marked their territory...
For the most part, he is the best dog we have ever had. Super loyal. Friendly. I love to take him for a walk to get the paper or the mail, even off the leash he stays at your heels. He's so quiet that sometimes I think he took off and I turn around to look for him and I almost step on him. He's got some great qualities and he's getting cuter to me every day. We haven't been forced to make a decision yet because no one else has shown interest in adopting him...but I know that moment is coming. I think, as a family, it's unanimous. We want to keep him.
My Profound Fortune
Tonight I stopped and got some Chinese take out on my way home from Marin. I got my usual Almond Chicken. I like it when I get Chinese take out because I can open my fortune cookie before my meal.
Tonight my fortune read: You have remarkable power that you are not using.
So true. So true. I better get busy and get to work.
Dear John
Tonight was a girl's night out...to a chick flick although I hate stereotyping this movie because my Jim would have liked it and been crying like one of the girls. The Notebook was one of my all time favorite movies ever, so I was anxious to see it since it was based on the novel by the same author, Nicholas Sparks. I have the book, but haven't found the time or gumption to read it yet.
I didn't know what to expect except that I think the main character played by Channing Tatum is really really nice to look at...so it was a nice surprise to see that there is a whole element of autism in this war-torn love story. It was interesting but a little hard to watch. I haven't spent much time with anybody, young or old with autism except for our Doodle...and he's still very much a baby in a toddler's body. In this movie, there is an older autistic boy and even an autistic man so it was both eye-opening and heartbreaking to see.
The young boy was really played by an autistic child which is cool. They had to teach him to ride a horse.
Now that I've seen the movie, I probably won't read the book since I know how it ends unless I find myself with a lot of extra time on my hands. Yah, right...that's a good one.
Fighting the Autism Fight
Lately it feels like if I'm not fighting the autism fight, I'm fighting about autism or for some kind of autism or special needs benefit. Even I get tired of arguing.
I'm finding that services don't come easy, even if they are available and entitled.
I'm finding that people that provide these types of services for a living do the very bare minimum like when writing goals in school or giving an assessment report.
I'm finding that like the military, Special Needs Agencies have their own code..."If they don't ask, don't tell."
I'm finding that the people offering these services have no problem trying to retract a service put into place and in writing in an IEP.
I'm finding that there are so many other resources out there and available but never offered up front, things like Physical Therapy, a Behaviorist, free Diapers, Medi-cal, outside parent networks, respit hours; instead you need to research these things or hear about them by word of mouth from some other poor parent who had to find out the hard way and then ask, or demand them. Suddenly, they're available.
I'm finding that agencies like Nursing Agencies don't know what the hell they're doing or how to keep track of someone's respit and day care hours because twice now, they've let our hours expire and then I end up paying for it and losing hours in the process to make up for their lack of systems and oversights.
I'm finding that there are two very divided sides to the autism fight, the medical and bio medical theories both of which no one can agree. To vacinate or not to vacinate...especially with what is going on in the news right now about this.
I'm finding that autism is very much a business just like any other business and that there are people out there who prey on the misfortune of families who are holding out hope...people like Dr. Julie Griffith who got into the business of autism to make a quick buck and who do not really care about the best interest of the patient.
I'm finding that the small things that make my life easier were things I would have never imagined, things like a short bus with a friendly bus driver and a kind, dependable nurse go a long way.
I'm finding that fighting a fight against autism at home every day with a Doodle Bug is hard enough, but when you have to constantly fight for help that is in place to do just that, HELP, it becomes stressful and a waste of energy. It's like doing a puzzle for hours and hours and finding out you are one piece short.
A Daddy's Arms
Daddy's arms hold me tight
and keep me safe all through the night.
When I wake up and cannot sleep
it's daddy's heart that I hear beat.
I lay my head upon his chest
it's in his clutch where I can rest.
He sees things in me I do not
he has a hope that does not stop.
I am blessed to have this man
who gives me love like no one can.
I squeeze him back with all my might
my daddy's arms they hold me tight.
Jesse
Day 3. The phone's not exactly ringing off the hook for someone to adopt this little dog we've been fostering now for a few days. He is still up on the Rescue Center's website and shows as available and adoptable. Jim's been home from work this week (and the last few weeks) so he's getting a little uptight about the dog. If he was at work, it would be much more of a non-issue.
Jim never really wanted a dog but succumbed to the pressure from Jimmy. So many people grow up with pets, including Jim--he grew up with a family dog, so I'm not sure where all the resistance is coming from. How did their family of five kids and two parents get by with a dog? I can't imagine Jim's parents fighting over a dog or about getting a dog or about taking care of a dog, it was just something everyone did. And it wasn't such a big deal.
Besides companionship, there's a lot of good lessons for a little boy to learn from having a dog of his own. Caregiving. Ownership. Loyalty. Responsibility. Kindness. Patience. Unconditional love.
Me? I could take it or leave it. The dog has had a couple of accidents in the house. He pooped on the floor twice and peed on the wall which grossed Jim out. But, it's still a new environment and for some reason it takes a lot to get this dog to bark, so it's not like he lets us know when he has to do his business. We were told explicitly how the dog was potty trained and crate trained. Uhm. No. I would have to say no on both of those. I have to physically force the dog to go into the crate, and so far, that is the only time I've heard it bark. And the pooping indoors, that's not my idea of potty trained.
Other than that, the dog has been pretty good. Really good. He did chew through his leash but once he got off the leash outside, he stuck around. He definitely likes us. Oh and he ran into the creek today and got all wet and muddy too. But, he's a very sweet, calm dog. Very well behaved and I think he will only get better with time so part of me wants to adopt him. The other part of me remembers what it is was like to not have a dog and worry about what it's doing and what it's peeing on.
So if the phone rang tomorrow, and someone wanted to adopt little Jesse, I have no idea how I will feel but I think I know pretty well how Jim will feel.
Bunco Night!
Tonight was my first time ever playing Bunco.
My mom is in two Bunco groups and since it was her turn to have it and she needed a sub, I was it. It was really fun. 12 women get together once a month for dinner and chit chat...it costs $10 to play but it all goes into the winning kitty. I didn't win anything, but I did get two Buncos. If you don't know what Bunco is or how Bunco is played then that won't mean anything to you. Besides being a fun way to get together with friends and eat Jelly Beans, it's a little like nonthreatening gambling because you can win money. It's also a great way to get to know people because you move around from 3 different tables all night depending on if you win or lose so you're costantly changing the group at your table.
There's lots of bells ringing and dice rolling and yelling going on. Some people get pretty excited when they get a Bunco.
Different groups play different ways and some give prizes instead of money. Some groups have theme nights and some play it where it's a drinking game and you have to do a shot every time you hit a Bunco; I heard they call that one, Drunko.
My cousin and I are thinking now of putting together a Bunco Group. Except I'm not sure we know 12 interested, responsible people who would want to do it.
I was just a sub, but after playing tonight, I can see why it is such a rage across the country and why thousands of women do this Bunco thing. Plus, I just like saying the word...BUNCO.
I Sold Out for Easy
So it turns out I'm not as crazy as you may think.
We went and looked at rescue dogs today to see about fostering one in our home for a while. We had in our minds we were going to go for a mutt mix puppy, and oh how cute the puppies were. Tiny, adorable, lovable, clumsy with that awful puppy breath I wanted to take them all. I started getting cold sweats regretting it already and then Jimmy saw another dog he liked more than the puppies and the dog he liked better was 2 years old, potty and crate trained and perfectly polite and sweet. Whew! I breathed a sigh of relief. No training these just 8 week old puppies! No sleepless nights listening to the puppy cry, it's hard enough with a Doodle. Then I had visions of just getting the Doodle to sleep and having a new puppy crying or barking and waking him up!
Imagine my joy when Jimmy picked out Jesse, a calm Spitz mix. Mixed with what you might ask? Well, unfortunately, Chihuahua. This dog is not easy on the eyes and might just be one of the homeliest dogs I have ever seen. But that's OK because he is really EASY and I'm a sell out for easy.
And what kind of values would I be instilling in my son if I told him we couldn't take Jesse home because he wasn't cute enough? Remember, never judge a book by it's cover and looks aren't everything and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Right?
The other plus is that we haven't adopted this dog yet. We are technically "fostering" it to see what it's like to have a dog at all, ugly or cute. They sent us home with dog food, a crate and a leash. This is just a trial thing.
The Doodle has absolutely zero interest in the dog. It may as well be a rock. That's it. Problem solved, we can get a pet rock:)
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