Saying Goodbye

Today was the day. The day of the memorial service for my little brother Tony. I thought it would be easier because 6 weeks have gone by since we learned of his passing yet, it was strangely harder.

It was nice to see so many people gather together in one place who loved him. I haven't been to many funeral services but I would have to say this was as "nice" as a funeral could be under the circumstances. His cousin Rebecca was the Officiant and she did a great job with everything she said and read. We did a slide show of his life and several people got up and talked about Tony and told a story. My uncle Jimmy, my uncle Donny, my aunt Carol, cousin David, his best friend Joey and even my son Jimmy got up there and talked. We gave away St. Anthony medals and Jimmy read a little history on Saint Anthony and what he was known for. It was Jimmy's first death in the family and first funeral. He was brave and did a great job up there in front of a room full of people.

Tony's 14 year old son Anthony is here from Colorado and he played Amazing Grace on his guitar at the service. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. It would have made Tony proud. And, I think he would have been surprised to see how many people cared for him and came out today to honor his memory and celebrate his life. There was a common theme people used when they spoke about Tony. They all said he had a big heart, a famous and wonderful "Tony smile", and generosity and loyalty were his two best character traits.

Today was hard and I'm exhausted. I never realized how physically and emotionally draining losing someone you love is. Even though I'm glad it's over and that we have some closure, I feel there's a void now where my little brother used to be. Because I didn't see him that often, it's not the "seeing him all the time" I'm's when I think of him or see a picture of him when I realize I will never see him again that breaks my heart into pieces.

He once made me a copy of a Three Doors Down cd, I can't hear a Three Doors Down song without thinking of him so I thought I would play a song for him here. I love you Tony. Thank you for being my little brother.

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