But, on the bright side, in the last week I have connected with two other moms with children on the Autism Spectrum. The autism spectrum is so very wide and vast and different--it's hard to find someone who may have a child that is the same age and with the same issues. But we're all connected and get it, you can see that by the identifying us with the same exact look of exhaustion and pain on our faces.
Today I met my new friend for coffee and she was so very kind. She shared so much with me, and that takes a lot. She opened her heart and her life to a complete stranger and I did the same.
It's completely different talking to someone and knowing that what you are saying is being heard loud and clear, and the best part is that there is a level of empathy there that others cannot comprehend unless you have been in our shoes and have to experience what we experience on a day to day basis. It felt like a huge weight was lifted just knowing she understood what I was saying and not judging me. I didn't have to choose my words carefully or not mention something. Today I could just be me, the Angela with the autistic son and the stressful life filled with worry and about a hundred other emotions.
Like it or not, Autism is my (new) world. And as much as I've tried to hope that one day the Doodle will magically get better, I need to be prepared for the fact that he may not. And that's ok to.
Is lonliess in God's plan?
I know that he has a plan for us. He has a plan for the Doodle and while I hate to accept it, at some point I must surrender and realize that I have no control over the Autism severity that the Doodle has. There's `lots I can do and try to do and hope that they might improve and help his "condition" but is there really a complete cure for autism. I wonder.