During a random breakdown the other day, I was talking with someone about the Doodle, his autism, his seizures and what my life has become--in a nutshell.
Yes, a nutshell I said....no punn intended.
Anyway, we were talking about deep things like Karma. And I mentioned that maybe these things that were happening (to us) were happening for a reason, maybe it was a form of Karma and I am being paid back for something I have done. My friend disagreed, although it should be mentioned that she does believe in Karma, she said that God does not punish.
Then why does this feel like a punishment?
She went on to say things she thought I wanted to hear...things like God gave me a special needs child with challenges because he knew I could handle them.
Ok. I guess.
Although, I don't handle them very well.
She said that God gives special people, special circumstances and sometimes they come in the form of a special child.
She couldn't have put it any nicer and I know she was trying to make me feel better.
She said that God has a plan and that there is valuable learning and teaching going on here (in my life).
I thought about that for a minute and agreed.
Yes, I am being taught something from all of this.
What exactly that is I am not too sure of.
At first I thought maybe I was supposed to learn about tolerance and patience and maybe I am.
But it's not working very well.
I was flipping through a local Junior College schedule of classes, thinking maybe I'd like to learn an art or a foreign language--maybe take a photography class.
Then it hit me. I had an epiphany.
The class I need to take the most, they do not offer--at any school.
They do not offer classes on learning how to be patient.
Maybe it's a genetic thing.
Maybe it's a learned behavior.
Whatever it is, it is a gift; oh yes, and a virtue.
All I know, is that somehow I did not get that personality trait.
I think I must be one of the most impatient people I have ever known.
And I think it's getting worse, not better as I get older and worry more.
You would think having a special needs child would help me learn patience.
The worst and most ironic part is that I fear I am too impatient to ever learn patience.