Stages

1) Shock
2) Sadness
3) Depression
4) Loneliness
5) Physical Symptoms (sick, headache, tired, hives, aches and pains)
6) Panic
7) Guilt
8) Anger / Resentment (at self, person or God)
9) Hope
10)Acceptance-reality

I'm somewhere between #2 and #8 right now with a heavy emphasis on #7. For some reason, I thought today would be easier. I found myself spending hours digging through pictures and photo albums in a attempt to "see" him and want to remember things I have forgotten. I don't know if that was a good or bad idea because it made me even more sad. He was such a cute little kid and so much younger than me. It doesn't seem right.

I wish I could have said goodbye.

It's hard losing a brother but I cannot imagine what it must feel like for my Mom and his Dad.

Time heals right? Well, what time will that be? It feels like never.