Next Stop, the LAP BAND

What does it mean when your 9 year asks you if you’ve looked in the mirror today?

I guess I take my job working from home for granted in the sense that showers and hair brushes are now optional. My ventures outside of the house consist of driving the 9 year old to and from school, late night grocery shopping while sampling chocolate out of the bulk food bin and fast-food drive throughs. If only Baja Fresh had a drive through my outings would be complete.

Walking around my house, I do my best to avoid the mirrors. I caught a glimpse of myself the other day in the window on our front door and I almost didn’t recognize myself. Who's that fat, old person inside my house wearing one of my hats. Oh, wait. It's me.

I’d like to say that my vanity went out the door once the Doodle was diagnosed with Autism, but honestly, I think I stopped caring about what I looked like even way before that: sometime after I first became a mom. I don’t have time for make up and chances are if you’ve seen me in the last three years, I’ve been wearing a hat and glasses and sweatpants.

If I can get a bra on by noon, I feel a real sense of accomplishment. The fact that I wear elastic waste pants everyday isn’t helping my girlish figure remain girlish anymore. You see, gaining weight in elastic pants is almost transparent, especially when you avoid the mirrors. I went to put a pair of fat jeans on the other day and couldn’t get them above my huge ass. That’s when I signed up for Jenny Craig. I wonder if anyone else on Jenny Craig likes their food better with butter.

We have a big family, and by that I mean big as in girth not how many of us there are. I’ve been cursed with the DeBaca fat gene. It’s too bad I wasn’t one of those high metabolism people who stop eating when they get stressed out and actually drop weight without trying. I use my food as an emotional crutch to get me through the day; chocolate being my favorite crutch. I called in about getting the Lap Band, but you have to be 100 pounds over weight. I’m thinking with the rate I’m going, I’ll have my Lap Bank in the next two years. I’m a goal setter alright.

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